Sometimes Valentine's Day Sucks

Since Valentines Day fell on a Tuesday (my normal posting day) You get a two for one this week! If you were waiting for week 2 of Finding Normal don't worry you didn't miss it. It went LIVE Monday. Here is a link in case you didn't see it 

Now on with V-Day so...

Happy Valentines Day Everyone! 

But what if it isn't so happy? what if valentine's day is terrible. Maybe your marriage just isn't doing to well and valentine's day isn't all that special. The real question is what is the argument about. Is there a genuine issue or are we just being petty and not letting a aggravating issue go. Now of course I can't speak to everyone's circumstance, and it isn't always fair that sometimes we have to be the ones to swallow our pride and be the bigger person. However, marriage is not about who said what. Marriage is  about the actions, love and grace we are willing to extend to our spouse. Marriage is a symbol of Christ. The way God loves us. Christ loves the church. As a part of that, we have to be willing to extend grace, love and forgiveness to an "undeserving" spouse sometimes. Now I am not saying we should just never mention a problem we see and blindly forgive our spouse when we feel they are doing something wrong. Communication in marriage is vital and when we see a big problem we need to talk to our spouse about it. But what I am saying is that sometimes it is better to just forgive and move past the little disruptions. You have to be willing to not make a big deal out of every little issue, nitpicking all the problems,pointing out how he could love you better, or that it isn't fair that it always seems like you're the only one working towards a better marriage. You see marriage isn't a 50/50. It's 100/100 and the key to a successful marriage is to focus on giving your 100% and if you feel he is falling short...pray. We didn't get married so we could "fix" them. We got married because we love them. Let God work in their hearts. If you are feeling unloved or underappreciated, talk to him about that. But don't withhold your love towards him because of it. It can be something as simple as him playing video games when you feel like he should be spending time with you. Talk to him, let him know it bothers you and that you feel like you have to compete for his attention with a virtual world. But after that move on. Don't try to force him to agree with you or see that "your right." If he doesn't respond and you feel it is a big issue pray about it and move on. Basically, don't sit and stew and make yourself more upset. All that does is give the devil a foothold on your marriage. Instead of listing the ways that he is wrong...find a way to serve him. To show him that you love him despite it and that you aren't going to be that wife that, has to be right. Or have the, "until he does what I want him to do then I am going to be a brat" attitude. The idea is to demonstrate love and respect no matter what. Often by taking the high road and continuing to serve in a loving way, your spouse will find that missing connection between the two of you that he needs to work on and sometimes we find that missing connection that we need to work on. I know this can be hard sometimes. Especially if he really hurt your feelings. But this is where we learn to love like Christ. So if you are wanting to grow your marriage despite the opposition here are a few ideas that may help. 

Pray for him

This one is fairly obvious but pretty much the most important one. Pray for him. Pray for God to work in his heart and his life. Lift him up to the Lord. You will be amazed at God's work.

Pray for YOU

Yes YOU! ask God if there is anything YOU need to change. We often like to pass off fault on others. Thinking that someone else should change to suite our fancy. It can be difficult to look in the mirror and realize that WE are the ones that have the bad attitude. That WE are the ones that need to change. Self-evaluation is utterly important to any successful relationship but especially marriage. 

Love Him

Sometimes we just need to love him. Even if he is being a butt. So swallow that pride or the need to "be right." and find a way to show him you love him. Give him a kiss, grab a book and sit beside him while he does whatever it is he is doing. Just being there can make a huge difference. I have found that most people love in their love language. For instance peoples whose primary love language is physical touch or gifts will often give little "thinking about you" gifts and want to hold hands. Those who are more acts of service and quality time will generally always be looking to do something for you or others. They want to be around you just spending time together even if you do absolutely nothing. His love language is how he shows love because that is what says love to him. Just like your love language is how you love because it is what says love to you. So PAY ATTENTION! You need to learn to love him in his love language not necessarily yours.  

Serve Him

This couples with the other one but serve him. Ask him what you can do for him. Make his favorite meal. Put on his favorite show. Do something for him that lets him know you are there for him. 

Let Him Be

Sometimes they just need to be left alone. When I am upset I want someone to snuggle with me. Comfort me and hold me. My husband is the POLAR opposite. When my husband is upset or stressed he just wants to be left alone. He doesn't want to be cuddled, he doesn't want to be touched, he just wants to be left alone. Sometimes a man just needs to be alone with his thoughts. Respect that. Give him space. 

Now I know most Valentines posts are about happiness and sweet things. But the reality is not everyone has that loving environment on valentine's day. That is why I wanted to post something a little less conventional. Marriages have conflicts! and OFTEN on the "day of love." If you are fighting with your husband, or maybe it was just a small disagreement that turned into a full on battle then use this valentines day to fix it. Take advantage of the "day of love" and go show some to him. Even if you know you were right. Do you really want to spend Valentine's Day or any other day wasting precious time just because you don't want to be the first to apologize? 

Liked todays post? Share it! Like it! Tweet it! Don't forget to follow me on social media and like my facebook page and follow me on instagram and twitter. I love hearing from you so leave a comment below or email me at maryannapartlow@gmail.com 

Blogging Days: Commenting, the Win-Win of Blogging

Without readers/subscribers a blog would basically be an online journal of sorts. Though there is nothing wrong with that I have yet to meet anyone who has started a blog that didn't want traffic on their site. Gaining traction can be so difficult though, Even if you can get your blog up and going then what about Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and so on. The more fields you can branch into with your blog the better it will be in the long run. I know how discouraging it can be to be starting with a blank slate and feel like you just can't get the following you want. If you are like me internet and its inner workings are NOT your strong suite. I know the basics of Facebook, and I can maneuver my way around Instagram and tweeter pretty well (misspelling intended lol). But I am far from being able to be that perfectly socially involved blogger that just has it all together. While you are learning the inner workings of social media and getting traffic to your blog though, there are more simple ways to try to attract some attention. Comments. Now I know we touched on this subject lightly before, but commenting is a key element in blogger networking. First off it is always nice to comment on other bloggers stuff. By commenting though you are not only supporting someone else's blog, you are also getting yours out there. At the end of your comment leave a link to your blog and encourage people to check it out. Make sure you are putting the link in the actual comment as well as the space that asks for your website. Otherwise the only way people will get to your site is if they click on your name and that doesn't always happen. Now don't just go around and comment on everyone's blogs. Make sure you are legitimately interested in what the blogger is saying. Try to find blogs that relate to what you are blogging about or what interests you and someway relates back to your blog. Another way this helps is because it gets you reading other people material and will help you create a more well rounded blog overall. Also if you have started incorporating facebook and other social media sites into your blogging this will give you material to post as part of your 80/20 rule. Typically if I comment on something, I will also share the article to my facebook page during my 80% days. This is not only helpful because it gives you materials for your social sites but the audience of that blogger is being linked to something they like through you which in turn can create traffic to your site. Getting comments can be hard, trust me I know, but leaving comments is so much easier! Encourage a blogger, leave a comment and in so doing you'll get yourself and site out there too! Really it's just a win-win!     

So leave a comment below and don't forget to leave a link for your blog! I would love to check it out. Questions? email me at maryannapartlow@gmail.com and don't forget to follow me on social media. Links added on the top left of the blog!

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Blogging Tuesday: Mix it Up a Little

Oh the frustration! You finally started gaining a following, you had at least two or three page views a day which was always nice to see consistency. One day you log on though and nothing. Absolutely vacant. No views, no clicks, no likes, definitely no follows, just a big fat 0 stares at you. How did this happen? What did you do wrong? was your last post really that bad! Well before you get yourself all worked up, I have a question for you. How often do you post on your blog? You see I have been very consistent in blogging posts. I post on Tuesdays generally in the morning. I do a do a blogging tips post every other Tuesday and something "homemakingish" related on the other Tuesdays. Although consistency is GREAT in your blog and you should have a day that you pick that is standard posting, try and post more than once a week every once in a while at least. You see, if you are having people follow you or at least keep up with your blog then chances are they have noticed the trend of only seeing new content on a certain day. This means they probably won't be back looking at your blog until next Tuesday because they already know there won't be anything new. To balance my blog out a little I have started doing scatterbrained thoughts on Thursdays. This will hopefully make traffic a little more consistent and also give more variation for my readers. If you have a blog that you talk about multiple subjects then take advantage of that. I am not saying you have to post every day. That would not only get stressful and time consuming for you, but also for your email followers. Eventually, they would get tired of having their email inbox "cluttered" with constant updates. I'd start with twice a week if you can manage and if you are having just oodles of ideas then three times a week. You want people to be excited when they see something new from you in their inbox not just delete it before even reading it because you post so much and they don't feel like they are missing anything. If you aren't sure what days are good or how much you should post then experiment. It is different for everyone's blog depending on what you are posting about. Move your days around and see what works best for you and what tends to get the most traffic to your blog. You can always change it up a little bit too and add a "bonus" post on weeks you feel like have been slow. The idea is to get people interested and coming back. I successful blog requires readers.

What days do you find are best for your blog? Do you have a blogging plan or just post whenever something comes to you? Comment below or email me at maryannapartlow@gmail.com. I love hearing from you! Don't forget to like my FB page (The Good Wife's Blog) and you can follow me on twitter (@thegoodwifesblog) and instagram (annapartlow20). 

Find an Accountability Partner

Okay so you’re blogging and it is going okay. You have a few followers, you get at least a couple of views almost everyday. But you are struggling to stay motivated because you feel like everyone else’s blogs are just taking off and have so many followers and you are just struggling to come up with something to say. I can totally relate. When it seems like no one wants to hear what you have to say it is difficult to keep the momentum you had when you originally started blogging. The more I get into the blogging world though the more I realize how much bloggers can and should rely on each other. If you aren’t already in a blogging group try to find one. They are very helpful for bouncing ideas off of, and getting opinions and ideas for your blog. One of the best things you can do is find an accountability partner. This is a person who is similar to you in their path of life (age, marital status, blogging theme, etc.). Basically it is someone for you to befriend in the blogging world that encourages you, supports you, and helps you stay on track with your goals. Having someone to keep you motivated is always a key to succeed in any environment. They don’t have to be someone similar to you either. Sometimes people that are drastically different make for the best way to gain ideas you wouldn't have thought of otherwise. I would recommend having at least one person that is blogging about similar things though as they will be able to better help you with what your blog is about and give good feedback. It will also be easier to share your posts and vice versa as your audience will be similar. No matter where you are in blogging don't give up. we all go through slumps and that's okay. That is when having a accountability partner for support and encouragement comes into play. Don't worry if you have a bad few weeks. Keep blogging and realize that what you have to say does matter. Give a voice to all the thoughts in your head and you will see just how many people will listen!

Hope this was helpful! As always don’t forget to subscribe and follow me to get these tips sent directly to your inbox! As always feel free to comment with any questions or suggestions or email me at maryannapartlow@gmail.com