Excitement and Anxiety

Happy Tuesday everyone! In just 24 days SugarBear and I will be the proud owners of our first home. I am so excited. With all the excitement does come some drawback. First, how much I don't want to move because I am going to miss living with my in laws. Second, my anxiety. Yes I am sadly one of those people who suffers from severe anxiety and the occasional panic attack. I know what you are thinking, "Why would you have so much anxiety over something so awesome?" Trust me I asked myself that question already..many times. For me though, no matter how excited I may be about some things there is an underlying fear of "waiting for the other shoe to drop." When everything is going so very well and you are wondering what could possibly go wrong and then your brain explains to you in great detail every possible thing that could. I know some of you can relate. It can be hard when you just want to enjoy life but you have a little voice telling you all the terrible reasons you can't. Trusting God isn't always easy. But let me tell you it is worth it! The truth is worrying and having anxiety is not the problem. It is what we do with that worry and doubt that determines our faith. When you recognize worry and anxiety for what it is you can channel all that negative energy into a positive result. Prayer does wonders. It is in my most anxious moments that I find such great comfort in Jesus. Knowing I have a God who is completely in control of everything is the biggest way I calm my anxiety. If you are finding yourself in a constant state of "wait for it" then take a moment and pray. Call on God to calm your fears. Give Him control of your life. This means accepting the outcome whether you like it or not but knowing that no matter the outcome God has got this. This can be scary because when your faced with an either or and you don't like the or it isn't really "fun" to let God take care of it because we think to ourselves "what if His will is for the one I don't like to happen?" I know I've thought it before. However, that is when I pray even harder and tell the devil to stop clouding my judgment and making me question God. When we are following God we are going to run into trails and tribulations. God never promised an easy life for us. If anything Paul and the apostles stressed the opposite. The key is to understand that when we are seeking the Lord's will for our lives no matter what happens we can rest assured that God has got us. We can face even the things we don't want knowing that God will get us through it. The biggest fear I have is losing my loved ones. My husband, my in laws, grandparents, etc. Purposefully waking up each morning and entrusting them to the Lord is the greatest way to calm that fear. My personality is to "be in control" and if you are the same way then you know how crazy it makes you when you have absolutely zero control over anything. Learning to trust God with my inherent need to be in control has been a battle. But I want to encourage you to not give up on that battle. It is such a relief to know that i don't have to be in control. God is. To know I don't have to worry and stress about the outcomes. God will provide. To know that moving into a new house will bring it's issues but it will also brings its joys just like everything that we entrust to God. I am so excited about my new house. I am so very excited to start painting and fixing and designing and so on. I am also so blessed to know that as long as I am walking in faith God will see us through everything. 

Whether you are excited about something but worrying about the what if or if you are just struggling with anxiety. Take a moment. Breath. Pray. and trust the God will see you through.

"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

Matthew 6:26

Don't forget February is right around the corner! I can't wait to start my series "Finding Normal" and I am so looking forward to you joining me on this journey. Make sure you subscribe and follow me to get updates sent straight to your inbox. Like my facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/thegoodwifesblog/ ) as well to see new things on your news feed. You can also follow me on twitter ( https://twitter.com/goodwifesblog) and instagram (https://www.instagram.com/annapartlow20/?hl=en). 
Comment below to let me know if you will be joining my series or email me at maryannapartlow@gmail.com Thank you all for your wonderful support! 

Gratitude instead of Attitude

Oh how easy it is to take the little things and be aggravated. I have been begging my husband to hang some shelves I got for a couple of weeks. Well he finally did while I was at work one day. You would think my first reaction would be yaya my shelves are up. Instead it was more…I wish you’d waited for me because I wouldn’t have put it there. Funny how despite the fact that he did something I wanted him to do and asked him to do I still found something to be agitated at. Does this sound familiar? Maybe you asked him to take care of the dishes and he didn’t put the dishes in the dishwasher the “the right way” or perhaps when he made dinner and he didn’t make it “the right way”. Maybe he gave the kids a bath and didn’t put them in the “right pajamas.” Yes all these things may sound dumb as you are reading them but somehow it is something we do. 

I have noticed a trend. The better my husband and I’s relationship is the more easy it is to get aggravated about something. Sounds backwards right, but perhaps you have noticed this too. Basically what is happening is that when you are on good terms with your husband and you are growing and loving and learning together. You are naturally drawing closer to God. This more or less ticks the devil off and he wants to do EVERYTHING possible to cause discord in your marriage. A argumentative marriage is not a godly marriage, and how can you focus on growing in Christ and building each other up if you are upset about every little thing. Satan never ceases to try to worm his way into every aspect of our lives but especially into marriage. Marriage is a sacred, God ordained union this makes it the primary target for the devil. The less unified you are with your spouse the easier it is for the devil to slip in.

 Ever since I noticed that little trend I have tried to purpose not to let it happen. The easiest way to do this is to ask yourself why. Why is this bothering you. He took the time to do something requested of him and criticism will only cause him to feel bad for not “doing it right.” A big part of marriage is about showing gratitude instead of attitude. When we decide to be grateful our lives take on a whole new perspective. Seeing solutions instead of obstacles and choosing joy instead of aggravation turns what could be a bad morning or a whole bad day into a peaceful calm and a chance to show God's love to your husband, kids, and everyone around you.

I am so excited to announce that I will be starting two new series in the next few months. February's series "Finding Normal" will focus on what we need to do to make our lives "normal" in the sense of focusing on God and running a Godly household. March's series "Creating Home" is going to focus on cultivating an atmosphere of joy and peace in your home. A sanctuary for you and your husband and kids. While "Finding Normal" will focus on you as an individual/wife and running a household, "Creating Home" will deal more with marriage and formulating a Godly atmosphere in your home with you husband. I am so excited to finally be starting a series and am so looking forward to you joining me on this journey. Make sure you subscribe and follow me to get updates sent straight to your inbox. Like my facebook page as well to see new things on your news feed. You can also follow me on twitter ( @thegoodwifesblog) and instagram (AnnaPartlow20). Comment below to let me know if you will be joining my series or email me at maryannapartlow@gmail.com Thank you all for your wonderful support! 

Find an Accountability Partner

Okay so you’re blogging and it is going okay. You have a few followers, you get at least a couple of views almost everyday. But you are struggling to stay motivated because you feel like everyone else’s blogs are just taking off and have so many followers and you are just struggling to come up with something to say. I can totally relate. When it seems like no one wants to hear what you have to say it is difficult to keep the momentum you had when you originally started blogging. The more I get into the blogging world though the more I realize how much bloggers can and should rely on each other. If you aren’t already in a blogging group try to find one. They are very helpful for bouncing ideas off of, and getting opinions and ideas for your blog. One of the best things you can do is find an accountability partner. This is a person who is similar to you in their path of life (age, marital status, blogging theme, etc.). Basically it is someone for you to befriend in the blogging world that encourages you, supports you, and helps you stay on track with your goals. Having someone to keep you motivated is always a key to succeed in any environment. They don’t have to be someone similar to you either. Sometimes people that are drastically different make for the best way to gain ideas you wouldn't have thought of otherwise. I would recommend having at least one person that is blogging about similar things though as they will be able to better help you with what your blog is about and give good feedback. It will also be easier to share your posts and vice versa as your audience will be similar. No matter where you are in blogging don't give up. we all go through slumps and that's okay. That is when having a accountability partner for support and encouragement comes into play. Don't worry if you have a bad few weeks. Keep blogging and realize that what you have to say does matter. Give a voice to all the thoughts in your head and you will see just how many people will listen!

Hope this was helpful! As always don’t forget to subscribe and follow me to get these tips sent directly to your inbox! As always feel free to comment with any questions or suggestions or email me at maryannapartlow@gmail.com

Scatterbrained thoughts

My sister in law is a writer, unpublished as of yet but hopefully not for much longer. Anyway she is a writer. A brilliant author actually for being so young and I have read her first book and it is a total can't put it down kind of book. She is so passionate about writing and you can see it through the utter excitement that builds in her when she is talking about her novels or the short stories she is writing. Even when she is just bouncing ideas off people she is simply enchanted with the characters and concepts. It really is thrilling to watch and listen to her. She wasn't always this out going though. Not long after SugarBear and I got hitched I was granted the pleasure and surprise of her trusting me enough to divulge her special world of writing to me. She was very timid about it and I had to beg a little to let her let me read one of her stories but she did. I could see the spark of intrigue then and I had two choices. Fan the flame, or just tell her how much I loved the story and let it go at that. I choose to fan the flame. I didn't do it because she was my sister in law, I didn't do it "just to be nice." I did it because I saw the potential of a great author trapped inside the dreams of a young girl who didn't trust the world to not reject her writing. Fast forward to now and we have an avid blogger who has finished her first book in a four book series along with a wonderful and heart wrench short story and is now trying to get published. The point of this story is that sometimes people need encouragement. She was always a wonderful writer but she needed that little push from someone who believed in her to allow all that potential to be released. It could have been from anyone not just me. It is for that reason I encourage all of you to encourage others. If you see potential in someone, something they are passionate about, don't let that drop to the side. Even if you don't know the person well. You never know if you are the person that could make a difference in someone's life just by being there. A simple word of encouragement is all it takes sometimes. I am so proud of my sister in law for trusting herself enough as a writer to continue in her endeavors and one day, I hope to be standing on the sidelines cheering her on as she turns into a number one bestseller (can you tell I'm a proud sister lol). The satisfaction doesn't come from, "oh I helped her get here." I didn't do anything she did it all on her own because she already had it in her. Encouragement is a wonderful thing. I probably would have already stopped blogging if it hadn't been for a friend of mine that gave me some encouragement. So never miss an opportunity, always encourage some one, it is the most important thing you can do and it is so exciting to see the people you've encouraged living out their dreams.

 

So here is some encouragement for you. If you are new to blogging, new to writing, new to painting, new to whatever. DON'T GIVE UP! Being passionate about something is scary. What if people don't like what you have to say. What if they make fun of you for what you're doing. What if... there is a never ending scroll filled with what ifs and when we are uncertain it is so hard to find a what if that motivates us. So hang in there. You do have something to say. You matter and your passions are your gifts. The God given talents that you should cultivate. If you have never had encouragement from anyone then this is for you. Look at this as a personal note encouraging you to continue in whatever you're doing.

Also, don't forget to be the encouragement that others need. If you need it so does someone else. Keep up your passions. Bring the book out of the closet and let others read it, sing a little louder and let others hear. No matter what it is do it! You'll get discouraged as you go but push through the slumps and dumps and one day you'll come out on the other side and be so glad you did.

This is venturing a little off my usual topics but I did say I'd post about whatever pops into my head and well surprise lol. Seriously though, never let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough. You are exactly what this world needs and this world needs your talents, passions, crazy ideas. Anyone can write, sing, dance, blog yes. But no one else has a story like yours. No one else can say it, write it, sing it, or blog it like you. No one has your ability to be you. Never give up on something you want to do. It will only get better!

 

P.S. Being the proud sister I am I'm gonna just leave this here https://creativeminds101blog.wordpress.com/blog/

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Don't Take Him for Granted

 My husband and I spent a wonderful weekend together doing nothing but just spending time. It was in that moment and moments like that, that we really hit the realization of how easy it is to take each other for granted. It's not that we don't love and value each other tremendously. However, when you live with someone day in and day out it can be easy to get so comfortable with their presence that we slowly but surely take them for granted. We get frustrated about stupid little things. Little arguments break out that are just silly or even if they hold merit you both ultimately feeling bad that there was an argument to begin with.

 

Spend time together

This can be as simple as just watching a movie together on the couch or as elaborate as taking a weekend getaway trip somewhere. No matter what you do never get to busy to just spend time with your husband. If you are on a budget you can keep it cheap but make an effort to deliberately spend time with him. My favorite thing to do with Rybear is going on a date. I like to surprise him while we are out and take him somewhere. It usually isn't anywhere expensive because we are on a budget but it is so worth it. For us it gives us time to just talk about whatever, and feeling like we are back to dating. We get some of our best conversations in over a $1.98 large drink from McDonalds or just driving up to Huntsville and enjoying each others company (we are both road trip lovers).

Let it go

I get it trust me I understand. You asked him to do one little task that didn't seem like it was that big a deal and he either did something other than that or didn't do anything at all. It is frustrating for us because we don't get why it is "so difficult" to do a "simple task." However, before you blow your gasket stop and think. Mine usually spends hours working on my car and making sure everything is absolutely perfect on it. I used to not appreciate it as much as I do now because I didn't understand the significance behind it. Although I may want him to work on something in the house for me or help me clean up, he doesn't always do that. Not because he "can't do a simple task" or because he "isn't listening to me." It's because he places greater significance on my safety then on having a clean house. I've learned how important it is to him and I have in turn grown to appreciate it so very much more than I did before when I thought he was just "trying to get out of helping me." So learn to let the little things go. Most the time the things we get upset about aren't even valid because there is a simple miscommunication or even just a difference of opinion on what is important. Unless it is a major issue that needs to be addressed try to let the little insignificant things go. I promise you, you and your marriage will be so much happier.

 

Never go to bed angry

This go back to letting things go. However, Sometimes there are significant issues that cause conflict. If that is the case and it is something you can't just let go make sure you are never going to bed angry. Ultimately when you wake up the next morning you are already going to feel like it wasn't such a big deal anyway. It is important to start each day fresh and end each day in love. You can't do that if you're angry when you go to sleep that night.

 

It's the little things

find the little things in life that make you and your husband happy. The things that you do for him and he does for you that just create an atmosphere of love. Then make a point out of doing them. I simple text from my husband letting me know he is thinking of me is enough to make my entire day.

 

Not taking someone for granted is about doing all the little things in life together and appreciating their presence more and more each day instead of "getting used to it." No matter how much you love someone it is so easy to take them for granted, feeling like they will always be there. However, and we all unfortunately have to come to the realization at some point, that that person may not always be there, whether due to death, deployment, or any extenuating circumstances we are never promised to have the person we hold dear with us forever. So lets work on not taking our loved ones for granted. Even if you are mad about something (even if it is valid) what is more important, you being right or letting your marriage take precedents and showing love and appreciation for the most precious gift of your spouse.   

 

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Navigating the holidays

     The holidays! so much excitement, so much fun, so much anxiety, so much stress. Holidays are amazing, however, when it comes to holidays with in laws it can go from thrilling to terrifying in point five seconds. You've got the wife's parents, the husbands parents, and all the siblings of each family trying to coordinate so most of the family members in each respective family is present. It can be a delicate balancing act when you are newly wed to figure out how the holidays should work. You want to start your own holiday traditions but you still want to keep extended family involved as well. How on earth do you make it all work? Every family is different. Depending on how far away you live from family, how big the family is, and how much both sides like or dislike one another there are a few options for sorting out the holiday season. If you are fortunate enough to have both sides of the family actually enjoy spending time together then use it to your advantage. Alternate between parents houses with both sides being invited. Or have the holidays at your house and have each side come there instead. If your families don't exactly get along or live to far away to make that work the best idea is to alternate. One year with your family, one year with his. Simple!

     The real question though is when do you start letting yourself have the holidays at your house? When is the "right time" to stop going to the in laws or the parents and start your own holiday traditions? The thing is there really is no "right time." It all depends on your personal family dynamics. If you have a fairly flexible family the easiest solution is to set up alternation (yes I know I've used that word like 12 times already). You can do this with both sides. If you have several siblings and you all want the holidays at your house roll dice, draw straws, pick a number between 1and 10 and take turns each year hosting the holidays. Or take turns with the holidays. Easter at sibling 1, Thanksgiving at sibling 2, Christmas at parents, etc.

     Understand that it is okay to say no. You are allowed to tell your mother-in-law, your parents, your sister etc. that you won't be coming to "insert holiday here." Yes they may get grumpy about it but guess what they will get over it. Honestly most of them will probably understand. You're allowed to say you're not coming so you can have thanksgiving at your own house, or if you have kids with you children. You are not some evil person for wanting to start holiday traditions at your own home. I am a big family gatherings person so for me I want to have every member of the family I can find included. However, I also want to start traditions in my own home, especially once I have kids. This means that at some point in the future I will have to either ask the extended family to come to my house or tell them that we will come by for a visit but we won't be able to stay long. As a newly wed wife you want to show off your holiday flare and start kindling family traditions that your kids will carry on with them into their future. Spending time with family is always important but you are allowed to have your little family unit. We currently live with my in-laws (separate area connected by the garage). I personally enjoy it because it keeps the family close while giving us a little space to have as "ours." Yes of course it makes certain things difficult to navigate but overall I thoroughly enjoy it. I am not saying I don't look forward to having my own home someday when we are in the position to make it happen, but until then I actually really love living with them. Honestly when I think about moving I get really sad because they have become such an integrated part of our lives. Anyway I digress. Point is navigating the holidays can be daunting depending on if you have a hyper-controlling family/in-laws or if you just aren't sure how to maneuver around all the family members. It is really just important to remember to breath and ultimately enjoy the holidays. Even if it isn't working out quite how you imagined it would or should. Enjoy time with family and make the most out of it. Talk to your husband about what you both want to do for the holiday season and work together to make it happen. If all else falls, eat some pie, drink some eggnog, laugh a lot and breath because their is always next year!  

Emotions are NOT sinful

Oh my gosh I am so excited! Thanksgiving is right around the corner! My humble little abode is finally coming together. My husband and I spent several hours last night going through stuff. We are putting up the shelves in the closet today and I am going to finish up the laundry and other little knickknack items to finish off the house. Yes I know it seems like a small accomplishment for some but for me it is a big deal. If you have difficulty keep up with house work and cooking and "normal" wife chores than I am sure you can relate. For me it is not just an accomplishment to have a clean house but it finally lets me be able to prove to my mother in law I am not a complete failure as a housewife. For those following the house buying drama everything is currently at a stand still. As happy as I am that Thanksgiving is coming around the bend I am also starting to get anxiety about how fast time is going. If you have been following me for a while you may remember me saying that my husband and I are facing some very life altering events. As it gets closer to discovering the conclusion of that event I get more and more anxious about. It will never cease to amaze me how the devil can worm his way in at every opportunity. If you find yourself in similar life altering or even just minor life changing situations it is always important to remember that God is in control. It can be so easy to forget when we get so wrapped up in anxiety and worry. I suffer from sever anxiety  to begin with so that already doesn't help. Iit doesn't take much to get me worked up and into a panic attack. Because of that I know that the devil is constantly pounding on that door to try and get into my head and make me lose focus on God and His plan. As Christian's especially it can be difficult because we feel like we are bad people if we get anxious about something. Like how can we say we are strong good Christians when we are worried about events of life. Here is the thing though, having anxiety is not a sin. Being worried or scared is not a sin. Emotions are not sinful. What we do and how we respond to those emotions are what create an either sinful or godly response. You see harboring that fear, anxiety and worry and letting it over take us is what makes anxiety sinful. But when we cast our cares upon the Lord, that's when we take those emotions and use them as a way to glorify God by trusting Him. That is when those emotions get turned into a godly example. I know some people think that if you are worried about anything then you clearly aren't following God. But Jesus had anxiety and fear when facing the cross. What He did with those emotions though is what is important. He cast those fears and emotions on the Father. He trusted that even though He was scared and wanted for this burden to pass He ultimately wanted the Lord's will to be done. Trusting God doesn't mean everything will work out as we want. It does mean that everything will work out to God's glory and that is the real reason we are here on this earth. If anxiety is overtaking you don't feel guilty or sinful for having emotions. Take those emotions and show the devil that even at your worst point you will glorify God. Trust the Lord to see you through and everything will turn out for the glory of God.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Keeping Up with Life

I had it down! I grew up basically running a house. My parents though loving were not particularly involved so raising the kids and running the house fell on me and my sister. My older sister got main charge of our little sister and cooking and I got charge of our little brother and cleaning. It worked pretty well. She was a fabulous cook and loved it and I was really good at cleaning. I figured when I got married the only thing I would really have to "work on" would be my cooking abilities cause I am so not a fabulous cook. Oh my gosh was I ever wrong. I still don't completely understand how I could go from the queen of clean to barely making it but it happened!

Long story short I went from a 4,000 sq. ft. home, no job other than housework and taking care of the kids, and lots of time on my hands to a 600sq. ft. home, full time job and student, and practically no time on my hands. So yeah big difference. Although I am far from having it all together, here are a few things that are helping me keep up with life.

Routine

As I mentioned before I love planning. I often plan but don't implement though. One without the other is pointless. So first things first set up a general broad plan of what you want to for the day or week depending on how advanced of a planner you are or want to be. You can narrow your schedule more but start with broad concepts. It will make it less overwhelming. Then set a general time frame to complete said items. Again when you are starting go broad before being more exact. Once you get used to doing things in the general time frame it will be less difficult to set a more structured routine later. It's like teaching kids to clean up. Start by teaching them to just put their toys away and then you can start teaching them to organize them later.

Section and Time

Don't try to do everything at once. Section of areas in your home to work on and then set aside a specific amount of time to do it. Take 15-30min dedicated time, then take a break and come back to it if you're not done. Once these areas are clean you'll only need 5 to 10min to keep them that way! (Need motivation tips scroll down to my "Hair up means deep clean!" post)

Breath

It's okay if you don't have the cleanest most perfect house. It's okay if you pick up fast food every now and again because you burned dinner or you just didn't have time to make a perfect meal. It's okay to breath. You don't have to have it all together. You don't have to be perfect. You are not a failure if you're not. Take a moment, breath, give it to God, keep trying. It gets better. It is alright to take a break and take time for yourself. You don't have to rush around and perfect everything. Breath.

Trust God

This kind of goes along with the other one but seriously. The world isn't going to end, the house won't burn down because the kids toys are out or the laundry isn't quite finished. Give it to God. Trust Him to help you and get you through it. Rely on Him to give you the strength, motivation and time. We work for Him and everything we do should be to His glory. We can glorify Him much better by not stressing over the little mishaps in life and just serving Him.

Blessings to all,

~V

Trusting through the Storm

²⁸ Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” ²⁹ And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!”  ³¹ Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and *said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:28-31)

What's so interesting about this is that even when Peter let the fear of the storm overwhelm him, when he cried out to Jesus, Jesus still saved him. Often times when something is happening we see Jesus and completely trust Him. Unfortunately far to often once we get out on the water we look around us and see the storm coming. We get scared of what might happen and we stop if only for a moment believing that God will protect us. With my husband and I facing a great storm it is getting more and more difficult to not look at the storm and wonder what is going to happen. We trust God and His will but we are worried and anxious about the outcome. For some people if you waver even for a moment they suddenly consider you a faithless heathen who doesn't trust God. We are human, we are sinful, we are not perfect and because of this sometimes we do waver. That doesn't mean we don't trust God it just means that like Peter we have to call out to Him again and ask Him to help us. The biggest struggle we often face is that sometimes the outcome of our circumstances are not what we had planned. God answering prayer doesn't always mean He answered the way WE want Him to. In my current situation I have to brace myself for the fact that the answer may not be one I like, but I have to understand that as long as I am walking in the will of God and trying my best to follow Him he will turn every situation to His glory. Being a Christian doesn't mean an easy life. Our lives are to bring glory to God and sometimes that involves suffering to show others that God can work through all things.  ^28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28). If you are struggling and facing difficult roads and the storm is closing in on you. Remember that we need to keep our focus on God, we need to not let the fear of the storm overwhelm our faith in Him so that we don't sink. We also have to understand that just because we don't get the answer we want we have to accept the will of God and trust Him to see us through. Often times He will answer our prayers in ways we never realize until much later. So keep praying, keep trusting. I am keep my focus on God and praying that our situation will work itself out, however, I also know that in the end God's glory will reign supreme and His light will shine brighter than ever no matter the outcome.  

My grace is sufficient for you

Trusting God isn't always the easiest thing in the world. There is one thing I have learned however, God has never let me down. I never used to have a great deal of trouble trusting God. As a teenager I mean seriously life isn't all that difficult. I still stressed and worried and I do suffer from sever anxiety (which totally doesn't help) but it was pretty simple to calm myself down and see God's handy work in my life. As I got older though and life got crazy complex with husband, in-laws, my own family drama, death of loved ones and so on, I noticed myself trying more and more to stay in control of it all instead of letting God handle it. It isn't that I stopped trusting God I just found myself trying to be more and more in control of everything. It is difficult to know where to draw the line. Once you are an adult and paying bills, and working, and so on it is hard to not try to be in control. We as adults HAVE to be in control or we will forget to pay the bills, or overdraft out bank accounts because we aren't staying on top of our finances. It isn't that we aren't trusting God, it is just that...well we still have to be responsible. It is because of this understanding of responsibility that we run into a "I need to be in control" mentality. My husband and I are currently in a very difficult, life altering situation and it is a situation that I have ZERO as absolutely zero can be control over any of it. Though I don't understand why this obstacle was placed before us and I have no idea what is going to happen, I have to completely trust God to do His will because I can't change anything. This event has impacted so many aspects of our lives from just how we live, to finances, to jobs, to our future, to literally everything. It can be stressful when you are trying to hold a family together on an unexpected single income, with vast medical bills, and what seems like no other options. You feel like you're drowning and that urge to be in control peeks its little head out from behind the curtains. I was brought up to take life by the antlers and make it move. Although that is something that I appreciate being taught how to do, it is not always my place to "make life move." This puts me in a push and pull situation where I want to give it to God but I want to keep some of the reigns just in case. After a while I always hit my breaking point. The, "I can't do this anymore, I am completely overwhelmed and I don't understand why my life is falling apart" It is usually in those moments that I remember that God has never failed me. Even in situations that don't make sense. Or to some people it might seem like God hasn't answered my prayers, He always has. I often forget that I am allowed...I am supposed to leave it all in God's hands. That I don't have to have it all figured out, and I don't have to be in control of everything. As long as I am taking care of what I should be doing I don't need to stress and worry about finances, where we are going to live, or what we are going to eat or how we are going to pay the ever growing medical bills. Trusting God means knowing that He isn't going to let you down. He may not send the answers you want but you will always get what you need and as long as you are walking in His path everything will work for His glory. Stress and anxiety are a part of life, however, we can choose to give it to God and let him work His will in our lives. Always remember God works His greatest miracles through His weakest people at their worst moments, "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB

Creating a Sanctuary

Having a place in your home to relax and unwind is really a key factor in a calm household and a can be a major contributing factor in fostering a loving marriage. Some people may not be as bothered by messes and disorganization as others but regardless I think we can all agree that when everything is clean and you can see the floor there is just an unbelievable calm and satisfaction that rushes over you. You feel accomplished, you feel relaxed. Whether you have a big house or a small house even if it is nothing more than one little corner of a room with a chair that little corner makes you happy. Whether it is an entire room or just a part of a room find a space that you can call yours. A little area that you can step away from the world and the craziness of life and just be still. I love to read and I also love warm lighting (my husband is an led bright light kind of guy). Because of this my ideal relax and be still space would have a calming warm light, a comfy chair, a desk for my projects and a radio for music. I like spacious non-claustrophobic areas but I like that cozy comfy feel. To create this I would use the espresso brown hardwood floors and a warm neutral paint color. To keep it feeling spacious I would add sheer white curtains. Add some light colored frames for pictures a little flower vase, some floating expresso shelving and a cozy fluffy blanket and you have the perfect place to go relax and get away from it all. Not everyone has a separate bedroom that enables you to create your own personal space. If this is the case (like it is currently for us) take advantage of your master bedroom and section of one little corner for yourself. The master bedroom itself is already supposed to be a sanctuary space so if you want to use the whole room as your safe haven that is fine too. However, I still suggest that you have at least a tiny little corner to call your own in your master bedroom. I have a corner desk in our room that I am slowly creating as my "happy place." It's that area in the room that my husband's stuff doesn't go on and I have my warm lighting desk lamp. Since I am still in school and our room isn't big enough for a chair a desk seemed like a good place to have as my "this is my clean area that hypothetically doesn't have electronics on it." (My husband is a computer and car geek). Finding that quite place that you can relax at is really important because it gives you the ability to go there and just relax and take a minute to gather your thoughts. We as wives our minds work a mile a minute and it is difficult for us to slow down and recoup ourselves. I encourage you to create a little safe haven for yourself even if it is just a little corner of the room so that you can take time to rest your mind so you can better help those in your home.  

Not a Normal Guy

I am sure that most of you ladies have been taught since you were young that, "A guy is only after one thing." Then when you got older every guy and his grandpa proved that saying true. Then when you were looking into getting married a realization came that not all guys are only after one thing. However, even though he married you for so many other reasons that "thing" is something he still enjoys. I am sure your mother told you that, "Sometimes you are just gonna have to do it whether you want to or not...it's a way to show him you love him enough to do that even when you don't want to." This is more or less what I learned growing up. I was therefore prepared to "make the sacrifice" when I got married, anticipating his s*x drive would be vastly greater than mine. Well, let me tell you I couldn't have been more wrong. At first I thought it was me. Maybe I just wasn't attractive in that way to him. I mean he married me but clearly something is wrong. After a while I was like okay maybe it's him. Maybe he just isn't a "normal" guy and he just isn't as into it as other guys are. You see I'd grown up, and we've grown up in such a world where it is considered "not normal" when a guy or girl doesn't want to have s*x ever minute with ever human they meet. We've been taught that "guys only want one thing" so when we run into the rare gems that look at you for so much more than that we consider them "broken." For the first year and a half of our marriage it bothered me that he wasn't "normal." I didn't know how to handle that. No one ever told me that real men don't care about that 24/7. I lived a fairly sheltered life so it wasn't until I got married, got a job, and really started venturing into the world that I started to notice something. All the "normal" guys and the girls with these "normal" guys are miserable. divorced, remarried, three kids from this girl, two from that one. Visiting on weekends. Books and blogs on how to keep your man, how to tell if he is cheating, when you don't know if he still loves you. I hear about all these women whose love life sucks because they think that they can't find someone better or that, "well all guys are like that." Even the ones who are happily married still worry about their husbands eyes wandering because, "that's just what guys do." And we are supposed to be okay with that. We are supposed to be okay with having to keep our husbands, boyfriends, fiancé's attention off other women. If being married to me special of gem of a man has taught me anything is that there ARE men out there who you don't have to worry about wandering attentions. You see love and lust and desperation are three very different things. We all want to be loved and when we can't find someone we get desperate and are willing to accept lust over love. Don't get me wrong I understand that there are plenty of happily married loving relationships out there. I also understand that we as humans are flawed and are prone to making mistakes. I am not trying to say that if your guy struggles with lust he doesn't love you or that your man can't have made mistakes before meeting you. All I am trying to say is that we as women need to stop accepting "boys will be boys" as an okay for continuing in relationships that are harmful. A mentor of my husbands talked with him on this subject recently. He was curious if my husband had ever had relations with another woman besides me (no he hasn't). He then took the opportunity to point out how that special intimacy between a married couple is about the cross and Jesus' sacrifice. Seriously I didn't get it either till he explained it to me but we can get into that in another post. Point is when he was telling me about it I started to realize that I had been comparing my husband to what I know and have heard about other guys thinking that they were normal. It finally hit me then that my husband was actually the normal one and the others were flawed representations of what society has manufactured. I will be honest I have grown so accustom to the unconditional, unquestioning, love I receive from my husband I get honestly perplexed when my girlfriends or random people a meet tell me about their relationships. Not saying we are perfect. We fight, no couple doesn't or couldn't. Misunderstanding happen. There is one thing I know though, he doesn't know how to love someone else like he loves me. It is so far away from the farthest part of his mind that he looks at me confused when I mention something that every other "normal" guy in the room noticed. No matter your relationship statues currently, try to keep in mind that when someone really truly loves you, you don't have to keep or get their attention. Their attention never leaves you. You shouldn't have to worry about the woman walking by in practically nothing because you should know that he isn't noticing them because it shouldn't even cross his mind to look at someone else. If you have a husband, boyfriend, whatever like mine KEEP HIM they are rare gems that are like unforged diamonds. We need to stop allowing our guys to think it is "normal" to look at other women and we need to not teach our sons that it is okay to "be like the other guys." Allowance is acceptance of a behavior. Stop allowing disrespect. We shouldn't have to say, "well this one is better than that one so I'll marry him." Marriage is a sacred covenant. One that should not be broken. Don't look for a "normal" guy. Look for the one that stands out from the rest. Mine is the rarest gem and nothing holds a marriage together quite like not having to worry about what he is thinking or who he is looking at. I understand that this is a lot off the beaten track of what I usually post about. But I felt like even though this is a blog geared more towards wives there may be some unmarried women reading too. Also I really wanted to make a point to point out that "normal" guys aren't that great. I am terribly guilty of wandering why mine wasn't "normal" only to discover over time that I have been so wrong in thinking that "normal" was wanting all the things that most guys want. Never look down on a man that is different from the rest. He isn't a sissy, he isn't weird. He is respectful and willing to wait for the girl that sees him as the unforged diamond that he is.

Uniquely You

I like sports cars, I watch Korean dramas, I listen to one direction and I watch Disney movies. I love to read books, Beverly Lewis is a personal favorite. I am a high heels sparkle kind of girl who loves country rustic too. I love history and am fascinated by other cultures. Children and the elderly are my niche I want to help them and my heart aches when they are sad and lonely. My favorite color is sparkle and I like makeup and pretty hair but never have time to do mine. I love to write but never finish the books I start. I’ve always wanted to be an actress. I love video games. I want to live in the country with sprawling acreage, I want to live in a penthouse in the city, but I want to live on the lake too. I want to travel...everywhere! I love cruises, I want to learn how race professionally. I want to learn to play guitar and piano, I want to learn to draw. I want to learn at least two different languages. The law and forensics fascinate me. I want to change the way law enforcement works when I am a lawyer. These are some of the things that make me uniquely me. These are the things that I like and enjoy but often when faced with others I tend to hid about myself. There is no one out there who doesn't want to feel loved, accepted, appreciated, or included. Often that means when we are around others who like something different then us we rush to like what they do. We rationalize that we do really like those things because yeah they are cool. So rarely do we understand that it is okay to not like something as much as someone else. Or to mention that you don't like that but you like something else. I suffer with this problem a lot because of what I went through as a child. Always being left out, picked on, never "belonging" in a group of people I thought were my friends. When I got older and thought hey I won't have that problem anymore people have grown out of being childish...I find myself often in the same boat. I often find myself wanting to be included so badly that I forget to be what it is that makes me uniquely me. It is difficult when faced with a world that forces their opinions and their "right" to give their approval down your throat. Guess what though...they don't have that right. Although I won't say I don't still try to "fit in" I am finding that the more I focus on God and what He wants for my life the more I find I am not really caring what others think. Maybe you're the popular one in your group or maybe you're like me and can't find that "ride or die" group of friends. Whichever you are always remember to share with people what it is that makes you uniquely you. You don't have to justify your likes or dislikes to someone. As long as you are following God's will and plan for your life to the best you know how, He will put the people in your life that you need and that need you. Never forget to be uniquely you!