Undying Trust

Nothing will ever cause me to lose trust in my husband. I know what you’re thinking…we haven’t been married long enough, the honeymoon period is still in effect so just you wait. Honestly, we are far removed from the honeymoon period. We have dealt with in-laws (both of our sides), death of loved ones, loss of family, loss of everything we know and trusted. Our lives have changed so drastically over such a short period of time it has been unreal. So I am of full confidence when I say the honeymoon period is over. How do I know this? Because that “stary eyed girl” isn’t there anymore. The he is so perfect and wonderful and would never do anything wrong…yeah that aint there either. I know it is over because the love struck teenager was replaced by a different kind of love. He will always make my heart flutter and I will always be the 19 year old girl that fell in love at first sight. However, that isn’t what I hold onto. I now have a deeper rooted love, deeper respect, and deeper determination to stay with him. The time we’ve had together has tested and tried our love and trust to the core. When most women might have left I made the decision to stay. When everyone else lost faith and trust in him, I believed him against all odds. Not because I was a love struck girl but because I knew that I had a choice. If I didn’t believe him and trust him, even against all odds, then I never would be able to and I would lose it forever. Coupled with the forgiveness and trust that I offered to him I also offered him a choice. I choice to prove to me and everyone else that doubted him that I made the right decision. I won’t lie I had a lot going against me. When everyone is telling you that he is a liar, that he is a terrible person, that he can’t be trusted, and even offer the choice for you to leave (something I’d never even considered till confronted with it). When you have all that coming at you and he isn’t there to offer a defense it is a VERY difficult decision to trust. So here is the thing, although sometimes trust is broken it is very important to always give our spouses the benefit of the doubt. Until you’ve had a chance to get out of the turmoil of whatever might be going on and step away from the situation, it is always better to trust your spouse then to listen to others. I would have had a pretty wrecked marriage if I had let the voices of others cloud my trust for him. I wanted to believe him even though I wasn’t sure if I could. Loving someone is like court. Innocent until proven guilty. Because if you assume guilt first you are accepting that you in the depths of your heart do not fully trust him. Don’t get me wrong sometimes losing trust is VALID! Sometimes not trusting them is okay. I am not saying to blindly trust no matter what. All I am saying is that before you do something as drastic as losing trust in him give him the chance to prove you are making the right decision to trust him. If you lose trust because others are telling you to, when he finally proves that he was trustworthy you have just lost his trust. Whether people agree that the loss of trust would have been valid under the circumstances and though he may not disagree directly, when you stop trusting for any other reason than honest belief that he isn’t trustworthy you have crossed into a new territory where he will never be able to count on you to be there for him. As a married couple you are one unit and if you can’t trust him then you have just given up half of yourself. From that point on you will no longer be solely invested in what is best for your marriage as one but what is best for you as an individual “if” he goes off to untrustworthy land. Where there is no trust there is no relationship. Trust and love mean I want what is best for you regardless of all else and I will never do anything to jeopardize our future. Trust is acting as one…marriage is becoming one. Marriage without trust is nothing more than a struggle.    

Finding Calm Moments in a Busy Life

Life is busy! We all can agree on that. There are so many things to stay on top of especially when you’re a wife. Work (if you’re a working wife), school (if you’re a student), spending time with your spouse, cooking, cleaning, kids if you have them. It seems so impossible to find a free minute to just relax. If I didn’t slow myself down every now and then I could probably go a whole day and see my husband for maybe 30min. before bed. If you are a working wife then you know how hard it is to find the spare time to do fun, spontaneous things. You also know how much it sucks that your whole day is eaten up by an 8+ hour work day. This goes for you to busy moms! contrary to popular opinion mothers have 24/7 job that you can’t “leave at the office.” It is really important for us busy wives to make sure that we are not only seeking out individual time for ourselves to recharge, but also that we are making a point to find time to spend with our husbands. Spending time with our husbands can be as simple as just “touching base” with them even if only for five minutes. Obviously the more time you can spend the better, however, this little tips may help you rekindle the possible diming flame due to lack of effort on both of y’alls part.

 

15secs.

Seriously whether it is first thing in the morning, or when one or both of y’all are walking out the door to work. Spend 15 seconds at least kissing him goodbye. I am not saying make out with him…although that isn’t a problem…but just a simple sweet lingering kiss. I get it this seems stupid to some of you but seriously as much as I love the quick little “love ya” pecks if you spend 15 seconds genuinely invested in a kiss you will be AMAZED at the result. It will make both of your days better and make you excited to get home and see your love. I suggest a minimum of two 15 second kisses a day, morning and bedtime.

 

Take a walk

Got a dog? Use it! Doggie needs his walk and you need time with your spouse. Morning, night or both, agree to a consistent time and try to stick to it best you can every day. Even if it is only a 15minutes walk and you both say more or less nothing to each other and just walk, that connection time every day will be a huge marriage recharge. For those of you with kids…put them in the stroller and take ‘em with you, or if you have an older child ask her to watch them for 10min. and just walk down to the mail box and back. Point is you need to find time to spend with him without focusing on something else even if only for 10min.

 

Bible Study

As Godly couples we should be trying to not only have our own personal time with God, but also time to come together as a single unit and spend time in the Word. It could be a whole chapter or even just a few verses. The point is not how much you read but that you are spending time together in the Word of God.     

 

Date night

Once a month minimum. More as you can, however, I am well aware that date nights equal money and not all of us have a lot of it. Once a month though try to set aside a day to go on a date. It doesn’t have to be to a fancy restaurant (although it can be). My ideal date nights include going to McDonalds, getting a larger root beer, and then driving around a little with the top off of the car just embracing the quiet moments with him. Pick up a pizza, turn on Netflix and watch your favorite show! Point is it doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive it just needs to be dedicated time together.

Sail away

Okay this is a total once a year thing and an as you can afford it suggestion. However, I highly suggest you go on a cruise once a year as possible. We went on a four day cruise to Cozumel for our honeymoon and it was the most relaxing, reconnecting experience ever (We didn't go on our honeymoon as soon as we were married). Under no circumstances are you to get the internet connection or cell data service thing though. The reason it was so relaxing was because we could do nothing else other than spend time with each other, explore the ship, eat, sleep, and RELAX!

Hair up means deep clean!

     We all pick up here and there do some cleaning throughout the week but we all know that when the hair goes up some serious cleaning is about to go down. For me the hardest part of cleaning, or anything for that matter, is starting. Once I start I can keep the momentum going but it takes me FOREVER to work up to that start moment. Some people are the opposite. They get super motivated and can start a project really easy but lose that motivation really quickly. Some of you ladies are really lucky and can just do and get done (Bless each and every one of you). For those of you who aren’t quite that good at either getting going or staying on track though here are some simple tips that might help you!

 

For the easily motivated but easily distracted…

Play to your strength you can get things going super easy! You are a good self-starter. Use that to your advantage. The best cleaning technique for you would be the 5 to 15 min clean. What this does is play to your strength. You go full throttle for 5 to 15 min. and right when you start to get distracted you stop. Take a break, watch a show, read a book and in 30min. Dive back into that project for another 5 to 15min.

 

For the completed focused but totally unmotivated (guilty as charged)…

It is not that you aren’t motivated you get pumped and ready you just can’t get yourself to do! And the answer is no you aren’t lazy because once you get going you get the job done! I have to convince myself to take a shower, not because I don’t like taking showers or because I don’t want to be clean but seriously who has time for that! The goal for you is to NOT TAKE A BREAK! I am not saying work till you pass out but don’t ever completely stop until the job is done. The easiest way to do this is to get your water bottle full when you start the project so you don’t have to get up to get something to drink. If possible depending on what you are cleaning, switch between projects. Balance out a more rigorous cleaning with a more calm cleaning like folding towels and putting them away. What this does is give your body and mind a “break” from what you are doing while still not letting you get out of that cycle of cleaning. Cause we all know once people like us take that break…we have to start the motivation process all over again.

For the easily motivated and completely focused…

Y’all pretty much have it together you can motivate yourself to get something done and you do it till it’s done. You can take breaks because your motivation will still be there when you get back. For y’all the only thing I can think of is if you aren’t really organized in your cleaning, get into a regular routine. It will make keeping the house clean so much more simple and it will draw on that raw talent of motivation and focus.

How do we not sound controlling when we are seeking help from our spouse

     So I follow this blog club31women. Today in my inbox I got a email with her latest post “how to be anything but a controlling wife” http://club31women.com/controlling-wife/ Ironically the perfect post for this morning as I have a tendency to be just that however unintentional it is. In reading it though a few thoughts crossed my mind. While she really did an excellent job giving some tips on how to not be that controlling wife that is essentially where it stopped. Which is fine because that is exactly what she was posting about. However, if made me think and do a little self-evaluation. First it made me realize that I do have a tendency to be “aggressively helpful” on occasion, but then it got me thinking. How do we not sound controlling when we are seeking help from our spouse ?

     So here is a problem I have run into a few times over my marriage. It usually involves house work. Often times I will be working really hard to get the house and then keep the house clean. My husband is a car and electronic guy which means most everything that looks like trash to me is somehow an important part of whatever he is working on. My problem comes in when I want to have a clean house and I just can’t seem to get him on board with helping me. It can be frustrating because I can’t really clean up his stuff since everything is breakable and has to go in a certain place. In an effort to not be a nagging wife though I don’t want to just keep telling him every single day clean this, do that, etc. I’m his wife not his mother. I also don't want to come across as a controlling wife. It I really hard not to sound controlling when you are telling someone to do something. If you are in a similar situation where you really want your spouse’s help but you don’t want to be a controlling wife then here are a few suggestions as to what you can do that may help you get your husband on board with the plan.  

Make a plan:

Don’t freak! I know you’ve had a mental cleaning plan in your mind for weeks and you are just trying to find the time to do it. But actually make a plan. Writ it type it whatever but get it down where someone else can see what you are mentally thinking. Put it in a central location so that your husband can see what you are trying to accomplish and chances are he will start finding things to do to help.

Late night clean up

I am that person I get so much more done in the wee hours of the morning then I do at nearly any other point in the day. Take a Friday or Saturday night (or whatever day you don’t have to go to work the next morning) and have a late night cleaning party. Turn the lights on, music up and pick a room to start the focus of your cleaning party. You’ll get a lot done and have tons of fun doing it. It is also a really good way to have some quality time with your man because chances are the kids will be nowhere in sight when you start cleaning ;)

Ask don't tell

Ask him for his help don't just tell him what to do. Demanding his help does not end well.

Start without him

Often times if you start a project he will start to wonder what you are doing and end up coming to help

Communicate

Talk to him. Tell him what you are feeling and that you need his help. We often forget that our husbands aren’t mind readers. If we want help, ask for it. Otherwise they assume we are good and that we will “call them when we need them.” Communication is and always will be the key to anything in marriage.