Don't Take Him for Granted

 My husband and I spent a wonderful weekend together doing nothing but just spending time. It was in that moment and moments like that, that we really hit the realization of how easy it is to take each other for granted. It's not that we don't love and value each other tremendously. However, when you live with someone day in and day out it can be easy to get so comfortable with their presence that we slowly but surely take them for granted. We get frustrated about stupid little things. Little arguments break out that are just silly or even if they hold merit you both ultimately feeling bad that there was an argument to begin with.

 

Spend time together

This can be as simple as just watching a movie together on the couch or as elaborate as taking a weekend getaway trip somewhere. No matter what you do never get to busy to just spend time with your husband. If you are on a budget you can keep it cheap but make an effort to deliberately spend time with him. My favorite thing to do with Rybear is going on a date. I like to surprise him while we are out and take him somewhere. It usually isn't anywhere expensive because we are on a budget but it is so worth it. For us it gives us time to just talk about whatever, and feeling like we are back to dating. We get some of our best conversations in over a $1.98 large drink from McDonalds or just driving up to Huntsville and enjoying each others company (we are both road trip lovers).

Let it go

I get it trust me I understand. You asked him to do one little task that didn't seem like it was that big a deal and he either did something other than that or didn't do anything at all. It is frustrating for us because we don't get why it is "so difficult" to do a "simple task." However, before you blow your gasket stop and think. Mine usually spends hours working on my car and making sure everything is absolutely perfect on it. I used to not appreciate it as much as I do now because I didn't understand the significance behind it. Although I may want him to work on something in the house for me or help me clean up, he doesn't always do that. Not because he "can't do a simple task" or because he "isn't listening to me." It's because he places greater significance on my safety then on having a clean house. I've learned how important it is to him and I have in turn grown to appreciate it so very much more than I did before when I thought he was just "trying to get out of helping me." So learn to let the little things go. Most the time the things we get upset about aren't even valid because there is a simple miscommunication or even just a difference of opinion on what is important. Unless it is a major issue that needs to be addressed try to let the little insignificant things go. I promise you, you and your marriage will be so much happier.

 

Never go to bed angry

This go back to letting things go. However, Sometimes there are significant issues that cause conflict. If that is the case and it is something you can't just let go make sure you are never going to bed angry. Ultimately when you wake up the next morning you are already going to feel like it wasn't such a big deal anyway. It is important to start each day fresh and end each day in love. You can't do that if you're angry when you go to sleep that night.

 

It's the little things

find the little things in life that make you and your husband happy. The things that you do for him and he does for you that just create an atmosphere of love. Then make a point out of doing them. I simple text from my husband letting me know he is thinking of me is enough to make my entire day.

 

Not taking someone for granted is about doing all the little things in life together and appreciating their presence more and more each day instead of "getting used to it." No matter how much you love someone it is so easy to take them for granted, feeling like they will always be there. However, and we all unfortunately have to come to the realization at some point, that that person may not always be there, whether due to death, deployment, or any extenuating circumstances we are never promised to have the person we hold dear with us forever. So lets work on not taking our loved ones for granted. Even if you are mad about something (even if it is valid) what is more important, you being right or letting your marriage take precedents and showing love and appreciation for the most precious gift of your spouse.   

 

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Navigating the holidays

     The holidays! so much excitement, so much fun, so much anxiety, so much stress. Holidays are amazing, however, when it comes to holidays with in laws it can go from thrilling to terrifying in point five seconds. You've got the wife's parents, the husbands parents, and all the siblings of each family trying to coordinate so most of the family members in each respective family is present. It can be a delicate balancing act when you are newly wed to figure out how the holidays should work. You want to start your own holiday traditions but you still want to keep extended family involved as well. How on earth do you make it all work? Every family is different. Depending on how far away you live from family, how big the family is, and how much both sides like or dislike one another there are a few options for sorting out the holiday season. If you are fortunate enough to have both sides of the family actually enjoy spending time together then use it to your advantage. Alternate between parents houses with both sides being invited. Or have the holidays at your house and have each side come there instead. If your families don't exactly get along or live to far away to make that work the best idea is to alternate. One year with your family, one year with his. Simple!

     The real question though is when do you start letting yourself have the holidays at your house? When is the "right time" to stop going to the in laws or the parents and start your own holiday traditions? The thing is there really is no "right time." It all depends on your personal family dynamics. If you have a fairly flexible family the easiest solution is to set up alternation (yes I know I've used that word like 12 times already). You can do this with both sides. If you have several siblings and you all want the holidays at your house roll dice, draw straws, pick a number between 1and 10 and take turns each year hosting the holidays. Or take turns with the holidays. Easter at sibling 1, Thanksgiving at sibling 2, Christmas at parents, etc.

     Understand that it is okay to say no. You are allowed to tell your mother-in-law, your parents, your sister etc. that you won't be coming to "insert holiday here." Yes they may get grumpy about it but guess what they will get over it. Honestly most of them will probably understand. You're allowed to say you're not coming so you can have thanksgiving at your own house, or if you have kids with you children. You are not some evil person for wanting to start holiday traditions at your own home. I am a big family gatherings person so for me I want to have every member of the family I can find included. However, I also want to start traditions in my own home, especially once I have kids. This means that at some point in the future I will have to either ask the extended family to come to my house or tell them that we will come by for a visit but we won't be able to stay long. As a newly wed wife you want to show off your holiday flare and start kindling family traditions that your kids will carry on with them into their future. Spending time with family is always important but you are allowed to have your little family unit. We currently live with my in-laws (separate area connected by the garage). I personally enjoy it because it keeps the family close while giving us a little space to have as "ours." Yes of course it makes certain things difficult to navigate but overall I thoroughly enjoy it. I am not saying I don't look forward to having my own home someday when we are in the position to make it happen, but until then I actually really love living with them. Honestly when I think about moving I get really sad because they have become such an integrated part of our lives. Anyway I digress. Point is navigating the holidays can be daunting depending on if you have a hyper-controlling family/in-laws or if you just aren't sure how to maneuver around all the family members. It is really just important to remember to breath and ultimately enjoy the holidays. Even if it isn't working out quite how you imagined it would or should. Enjoy time with family and make the most out of it. Talk to your husband about what you both want to do for the holiday season and work together to make it happen. If all else falls, eat some pie, drink some eggnog, laugh a lot and breath because their is always next year!