Finding Normal Week 3: Routines

The struggle is real. Waking up early, going to bed late, being tired all the time. Even when you try your best to get to bed at a decent hour there is just so much to do and so little time to do it in or hey maybe you just want to watch an extra episode of Netflix. Whatever the reason it doesn’t make dragging yourself out of bed in the morning any easier. This week we are going to talk about routines. And the first and probably most important is to get in a waking and sleeping routine. I am a night owl. I get so much more done at two in the morning than I do at nine. Unfortunately, working away from home tells me that staying up till two is no longer a real option anymore.  Another reason I stay up late is simply because I just don’t like going to bed. I mean why do I need to sleep anyway it’s such a waste of time! Yeah reality, you have to sleep whether you want to or not. Getting in the routine of an actual “bed time” will greatly improve your quality of life and your overall attitude. Now everyone is different. If you don’t have a day job then staying up late won’t really be an issue. However, most people, even those who despise mornings know that waking up early leads to a more productive day. Starting your day off right is the key. In order to do that we are going to back track to the night before and start with bed time routines because when everything is in order the previous day then you’ll have a much more relaxing morning.

Bed Time Routines

Everyone has their own bedtimes. Some go to bed at 9PM and some go to bed at 2AM. No matter which group you fall into the key is to make sure you’re going to bed at the same time every night. Now fun fact! If you go to bed before midnight (even just 11:30pm) and you wake up at 4AM you will feel more rested and relaxed, then if you go to bed at 2AM and wake up at noon. Now don’t ask me what it is called but there actually is a science behind this and I have tested it multiple times and it is (for me anyway) a proven fact. I don’t know how it works but somehow the hours before 12AM count as more hours. Weird I know! So if you are a smart cookie you’ll try to get to bed before midnight. Having a set bed time doesn’t mean you have to fall asleep at exactly that time. It means you need to be in bed, relaxed and comfortable ready to go to sleep. Now a big important thing about bed time routines is to do as much as you can before bed so you’re not stressed in the morning. Find the things that stress you out in the morning and try to get them done the night before. Here are some examples:

Showering-If you have to much to do to get ready for work then shower before bed instead of in the morning. It will save you some time and you won’t have to spend an extra half hour blow drying and fixing your hair.

Find your stuff- I lose my shoes ALL the time. I lose my keys, I lose my wallet, I lose my phone. I am usually running around looking for all these things while counting the seconds as I run late for work. FIND YOUR STUFF! The night before just take the extra time to find everything. Make sure your wallet is in your purse, you have BOTH shoes and your keys are where they belong so you can just calmly gather everything in the morning and not wonder what you are forgetting.

Pick out your outfit- Somehow when I wake up on time I still end up being late because I “have nothing to wear.” Picking out your outfit or picking at least two options can be helpful to having a relaxing morning to getting out the door.

These are just a few examples but the idea is to get things ready for tomorrow so you can have a more relaxed day. Set the coffee pot up so you just have to push a button, have the dishwasher already loaded so you just have to push a button. You get the idea lol. Nightly routines of tidying up, and getting prepped for the next day is a huge part of having a successful and productive morning.

Morning Routines

So now your mornings should be a little less stressful, but you still need to implement a routine. Starting your morning with Bible reading and devotions is always important for a happy day! It is very important to do family Bible study but having personal devotions is incredibly important. I value my time each day with God to calm my spirit and prepare me for the day ahead. Always make sure you’re finding time to spend in the Word. If you can’t find time in the morning, spend time on your lunch break. It doesn’t have to be an in depth study every time. The point is to make time even if you just read a short passage. Having a set time to wake up is vital to a good morning routine and the kicker is you need to keep to that even on the weekends (you can sleep in a little but don’t go over 2 extra hours). The reason is because it gets your body into a routine. It will make you wake up less tired and grumpy in the morning because your body is used to it. I am soooo not a morning person but I have found when I am consistent with my waking up I feel better. I may be a little tired but I don’t feel like a crabby frustrated human as much. If you can try to wake up and do some exercise. Get your blood flowing and energy going! Make a cup of coffee and relax. I personally feel like an important aspect of a good day is to have a relaxing morning! Point is set a routine for your mornings so things just run smoothly and you don’t feel like you’re running around like a chicken with her head cut off.

The most important part about routines is to NOT live by them. Setting routines is important, keeping them is good, living by them is stressful! The point of a schedule and a routine is to help you structure your day. Not to give you a flawless plan that when something doesn’t happen at exactly a certain time the whole day falls apart. Always keep in mind that life is life. Be flexible! Try to keep the plan but don’t make it so necessary the very thing that is supposed to help you just stresses you out. If you don’t get the laundry done by 7 that’s okay! Do it now. Finish it. The point of a routine is to make your life less stressful. If you are more stressed…you’re doing it wrong.    

A big part of setting routines is making a to do list. This can be as vague or as detailed as you want it to be! Here are two examples

Vague

Wake up

Daily Devotionals

Exercise

Make Breakfast

Start laundry

Tidy up

Detailed

5:00AM- Wake up and start the coffee pot, a load of laundry, and put the dishes in the dishwasher away if you saved it till morning.

5:30AM-Daily Devotional

6:00AM- Exercise (we will have a series on setting an exercise routine soon)

6:30AM- Toss the laundry in the dryer and start it. Shower and get ready for the day. Wake up SugarBear.

7:00AM- Breakfast for the humans and the dogs (don’t forget to put the dishes in the dish washer)

7:20/30AM- Feed the fish and leave for work

I am more of a detailed person so I always tend to lean that way. However, if the detail makes you feel to stressed if you get “behind schedule” then just be vague about it and use it as a guideline of things you need to do. The goal is for you to feel productive and accomplished not stressed and like a failure because you didn’t start something on time.

So now that we understand the importance of having routines for ourselves…let’s talk about routines for the house.

Routines for the House

First things first for creating home routines, divide and conquer. In other words, separate your house into sections. The sections are generally obvious but writing it down and making a plan is still very helpful

Sections

Kitchen

Living Room

Master Bedroom

Master Bathroom

Laundry Room

Game Room

Guest Bedroom

Guest Bathroom

Now how many sections depends on your house. For us, we only have one bedroom so I wouldn’t need a section for the guest bedroom. If you have more than two rooms then you just add them and can work from there.

General Cleaning Routine

Okay so now we know our household “sections” but we aren’t going to get them all clean in one day…unless you have a really small house. So now you need to set up a general cleaning routine by daily, weekly, and monthly.  Example:

Daily

Make the beds

Clean the kitchen (keeping the dishes clean and put away/counters wiped down etc.)

Laundry Basket Tidy up

Hang up clothes (laundry and stuff that is just lying around)

At least on load of laundry (to completion: as in washed dried and put away)

Weekly

Vacuum/Sweep

Dust

Wash Sheets

Clean the toilets/wipe down the showers

Take the trash out

Go through the fridge and get rid of bad food (bring a rage so you can wipe down sticky bottles and spills while you’re there)

Monthly

Wash the windows (inside and out)

Deep clean the kitchen

Deep clean the bathroom

Get rid of spider webs in the top corners of the ceiling

Clean the fridge (Like take it shelf by shelf and actually clean the fridge)

Beat out the rugs

Wipe down the base boards

Clean behind the furniture.

As you can see we got more stuff the longer out we went. And that is the general idea. We want our daily chores to be simple and few so we aren’t spending hours a day cleaning and scrubbing and not enjoying life. Here is an example calendar plan to getting it all done.

Sun	mon	tue	wed	thu	fri	sat
	01	02	03	04	05	06
	Vacuum Dust		Clean the Toilets		Wash Sheets Go through fridge Trash
07	08	09	10	11	12	13
Deep Clean the kitchen Clean the fridge	Vacuum Dust		Clean the Toilets		Wash Sheets Go through fridge Trash	Wash the Windows Get rid of spider webs
14	15	16	17	18	19	20
Vacuum Dust		Clean the Toilets		Wash Sheets Go through fridge Trash		Deep clean the bathroom
21	22	23	24	25	26	27
	Vacuum Dust	Clean the Toilets	Wash Sheets Go through fridge Trash
28	29	30	31
Wipe down base boards Clean behind furniture	Vacuum Dust	Clean the Toilets	Wash Sheets Go through fridge Trash

That is just a generalized calendar for the month. You can move your weekly schedule around and mix up what you want to do or you can set it up so you have a set day every day that you accomplish the tasks. The point is to have an idea of when you are planning on doing your cleaning so you know what to plan for that day. And as you can see not every day is a cleaning day! I mean you will still have your daily cleaning but if you are keeping up with it then it shouldn’t take much time out of your day.

Routines and schedules are important but don’t feel like you have to live by them. If something comes up it is no big deal. Go on that spontaneous outing. Take time for yourself and just say I am not doing it today and move it to tomorrow (obviously this is not to be used every day lol). Life isn’t about schedules but having them can make your life much easier. Ask your husband or kids to help you out if you are feeling overwhelmed with it all. Most importantly know that it is okay! You are not a failure as a mom or a wife if you didn’t vacuum the house or finish the laundry. Spending time with your family is always so much more important. Never feel like you are not a good house wife just because your house isn’t June Cleaver ready 24/7. I know it is difficult sometimes to not feel that way because so many other ladies may seem to have it all together. But remember it doesn’t matter. Being a good wife/mother isn’t about the cleanliness of your home. It’s about the time spent with loved ones. The lessons taught and learned. The safety and love that the home provides. I get it your mother in law may be coming to town or maybe your OWN mother is the one who comes over and is all I can’t believe your house looks like this when all you have is a spoon in the sink. It can be difficult when you want to please the people you respect and are seeking validation from. Remember though that at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if your sister has a cleaner house or your brother’s wife’s third uncle’s cousin’s sister is the world’s most organized person. Your house is not their house and though we all want to live in a clean home don’t let the opinions of others dictate your worth. You are valued and you are not a failure just because something is out of place. Never give up just because someone may be looking down on you. You’re valued and loved by the Most High King! So keep up the good work. Keep trying and know that no matter how many times you may have to start over it is okay.

I hope this week helped you discover a good routine and also encouraged you in your endeavors and knowledge that a clean house is something to work towards but not live for. No matter how organized or completely disheveled you may be it is okay and you can get a handle on everything as long as you never give up!

What are some areas that you struggle with when making routines? Do you prefer a check list or a detailed plan? Do you ever compare yourself to how well others can “keep it together?” Leave a comment below or email me at maryannapartlow@gmail.com.

Don’t forget to like my facebook page to keep up to date in your news feed and you can always follow me on twitter and Instagram! As always thank you so much for your support!

Clearing the Clutter

I am a totaly stuff hoarder myself. However, when my husband and I got married I had to leave everything behind. My parents refused to allow me to get anything from the house and I had only managed to get a very few items like extra clothes and a my letter box. Although it sucks, having to leave all that stuff behind wasn't such a terrible thing...minus the one blue bin with all my family heirloom pieces from grandparents and aunts that I really wish I had. Anyway, it gave me a completely empty canvas of nothing. Which means all the clutter I had managed to gather and collect over the past 20 years was no longer there. Fast forward two an a half years later...waaaay to much stuff again! We are moving in the next few days though so I am going to take advantage of that and as I unpack boxes and put things away I am going to declutter. That way I am not just filling my house with more junk. I think the key to minimizing though is to not only declutter but to prevent new clutter. As amazing as unclutter is it totally sucks to do all that work and then in a few months just have it reverse back to what it was. Maintaining the clutter is the key! This comes from having a purposeful mindset to not say, "I'm just gonna shove this here I'll get to it later." So here are a few ways to declutter and then maintain the unclutteredness.

Have a Junk Drawer

EVERY house has a junk drawer and if yours doesn't....yeah I just don't believe that is possible lol. Point is it is fine to have a "junk drawer." But it is very important to let let it become a junk cabinet, then a junk counter and eventually a junk closet. Junk drawers are for those little things that are necessary but don't really make sense anywhere in the house. It's like the catch all for things like paper clips and random screws and little notes that you know are important but don't know what to do with. Having a junk drawer is like the one little place in the house that you can not worry about because it's not supposed to make sense and be organized (although props if yours is). So instead of shoving stuff in random places designate a DRAWER (emphasis because you don't want something with a lot of space) and when you don't know what to do with something put it in there. Now don't just leave it there...and this leads us in to part two

End of the day declutter

If you have been following me for a while, especially for the month of February, then you know about my "Finding Normal" series and hopefully have already been working on cleaning your home up. If that is the case then this fits right in. At the end of the day while doing your laundry basket clean up add a declutter the space task to your to do list. All those things you put in the junk drawer...go scan through it and see if you can find it a home. If you can't ask yourself if it is important or there is any REAL reason you should save it. If not chunk it. get rid of it. If yes to any of those questions then you should be able to find a home for it. The idea of the junk drawer is to be like a holding cell until you have a little more time to thoroughly decided if you need something. If you managed to still convince yourself to shove stuff other places as well, then go through those too. It might sound like a lot of work going through each area and looking for clutter. However, if you do it daily it won't take more than five minutes. The idea behind it is to fix the clutter daily so it doesn't actually become cluttered. 

15 minute declutter

If you haven't decluttered yet and are just starting this process, it can be very daunting. Every room seems like it will take hours to conquer and where do you even start? I don't know about you but I usually have to work myself up to a big project so I suggest starting in the easiest room to do. The reason for this is twofold. Not only do you get started somewhere but more importantly you will be done with that area faster and therefore, feel very accomplished. That will encourage you to keep cleaning in the other rooms. Anyway, I digress. Pick a room to start in get a trash bag a box and a laundry basket. Set a timer for 15 min. then start decluttering. Go through each item. If it is trash toss it, if you don't want it but it is in good shape and not trash put it in the box if it is something that just shouldn't be in that room put it in the laundry basket. When the timer goes off stop. Throw the trash away, put the box somewhere to be donated or sold, and take the laundry basket and put the items away where they belong. Do this in every room. taking 15-30min. breaks in between. 

Give yourself some credit

Seriously even the person whose home looks perfect probably just shoved all their crap in a closet before you came over. So give yourself some credit. The fact that you want to clean and organize your home is the first step in the whole process. Even if your house isn't perfect that is okay! Our homes are meant to be our sanctuaries not places that we are constantly stressed about if they aren't in perfect shape 100% of the time. Nobody is perfect you're meant to live in the house not treat it like a museum. 

What are some tips and tricks you use to declutter or keep cutter from piling up? Leave a comment below or email me at maryannapartlow@gmail.com I love hearing from you! Don't forget, you can share this on facebook and like my facebook page as well as follow me on instagram and twitter! Remember that "Finding Normal" Week 3 is this Tuesday can't wait!!!  

Finding Normal Week 2: Cleaning House

Nothing is ever quite as wonderful as waking up to a clean home. No dishes to be washed and the laundry all put away. Nothing says good morning better, well except maybe a good morning kiss from your love ;). Really though, we have all seen those commercials. The ones where the mom is up as the sun is rising and she has already worked out and her house is in perfect order and she just hits a button to brew the perfect cup of coffee. Don’t you want to be her. I know I always do lol. The sad reality is that it is so far from easy to have everything in perfect order. And I don’t know about you but my morning usually consists of me trying to find my other shoe and remember my lunch as a rush out the door to get to work on time. If you are like me and don’t function well in a mess, the only way to a calm and relaxing morning is cleanliness. But how do we get the house clean and keep it clean. There are so many good articles out on cleaning and organizing. I know I have taken a cue from many of them. But for me I might get my house clean…or at least half of it. But it doesn’t even take a week sometimes before it is exactly where it was to begin with. Even when we can finally get our homes clean and in order what is it that keeps it clean? Is it routine? Consistency? A schedule? Do you want to know the key to keeping your home clean? Mentality. Your mental desire to want to keep your home clean and put forth the effort to do it. The other things are vital to the survival of a clean home too don’t get me wrong, but your mentality makes the difference. Mentally determining that you are going to do what it takes to keep your home clean is the biggest battle. We all want a clean home, and we are all willing at some point to drag our lazy selves around to begrudgingly clean said home. But after the house is clean we often find ourselves saying, “Oh it’s not that messy, I’ll get to it later” or “Tomorrow I have more time I’ll just wait till then.” Mentally determining that we won’t put things off and that we will take care of our homes makes all the difference. It really is the difference in having cleaning your home be a chore verses a lifestyle. It’s like eating healthy! Having a positive attitude toward cleaning and organizing also makes the difference in a long drawn out miserable process and a joyful way to serve our family. So now that you have decided to make cleaning a positive event and not a mundane ugh moment let’s talk about some tips and tricks to making the process go faster and be less stressful!

There are many different ways to approach cleaning your home. Some people like to start by simply inputting a routine. This is great, but for me when I do something I like being able to start with a clean slate. So I like to deep clean everything and then implement a routine. No matter which you prefer the end result is the same so whatever works better for you. For this post though let’s look at a clean slate home and then implementing routine.

The easiest way for me to start clean slate is to pick a room. I typically pick the farthest room and work my way out but if you have a bigger house then pick the room you want cleaned first.

Get a laundry basket.

So the first big part of getting a room clean is getting everything that doesn’t belong in that room out. I used to simply go through stuff and put it in separate piles and then I’d have to go and find space in the room they were supposed to go in. Time consuming, double working, not a good idea. My preferred method is the laundry basket. Start in whatever room (for me it’s usually the bedroom). Bring an empty laundry basket and before anything else get all the items that don’t belong in that room (i.e. shoes, dirty clothes, kids toys or dogs toys, etc.) and put them in the basket. Don’t worry about putting it away or finding a home for it just acknowledge that it doesn’t belong in that room and put it in the basket. Once this is done (depending on how much you’ve let the place go) you will already see a drastic improvement in your area. Do this in every room but do one room at a time and finish cleaning that room before moving on to the next.

Find a place for it

Having a home for everything is vital to your sanity if you are trying to keep your home clean. You don’t have to live in a house that looks like a museum but being able to put things in their place when cleaning saves time and stress. After you’ve laundry basketed a room start cleaning that room and find a place for everything. You’re not done with the room until you are satisfied that everything has a home.

Keep important stuff somewhere special

I have two important places right now but when we move into the new house I will have three. I have my “keepsake” box that has all my special things from cards, to wedding memorabilia and general keepsake stuff. I have a box for all important papers and documentation. And when we get the house I want to get a file cabinet of some kind so I can keep taxes, bills, car titles, etc. more organized. Point is no matter how you do it find a place for important papers. This is helpful so that you aren’t having to worry about losing stuff and possibly throwing away something important. If you don’t like keep paper lying around you can always scan documents into your computer and save them there as well.

Deep clean

Deep clean every room means you’re going to vacuum, dust, clean the windows etc. Doing this before heading to another room means you can officially check it off your list and it will be a thousand times easier to keep clean once it is really clean.

Now that we have a clean slate let’s talk about keeping it that way.

Laundry

Try to commit to doing at LEAST one load of laundry every day. That means a complete load as in washed, dried and put away. My husband, being a mechanic and everything in between, goes through clothes like CRAZY. This means I always have laundry, even when I just finished it. For that reason I’ve always had a slight aversion to laundry just because it seems impossible to ever keep it all done. If you struggle with this as well then here is some help…understand now that laundry will never be done. Once you understand that then you feel a lot less like a failing housewife just because you have laundry in the baskets. That being said. Your life will be a lot easier if you dedicate the time to do at least one load of laundry every day. For me it isn’t so much the washing of the laundry as it is the putting away. I just hate folding and hanging up clothes. That is why making sure I do at least one load a day is so important. It prevents me from feeling like I will never be able to finishing putting the mountain of clothes away that I didn’t wash all week. Additionally, to stream line your laundry process have a separate basket for each thing. I have a basket for me, SugarBear, and towels. This makes it easier when washing and putting away because you don’t have fifty million things all mixed up together. Whether you do you laundry in the morning or evening is up to you as that all depends on your schedule and personal preference. I prefer to do my laundry at night since my mornings are so busy. For me the easiest thing to do is to put a load of laundry in the washer before bed and don’t start it. Then when I get home from work I run by the utility room and press start on my already waiting clothes. A wash cycle is usually between an hour and an hour and a half. This means I have plenty of time to make dinner, and relax a little while still knowing I am getting something done. After dinner I go switch it around and enjoy another 30min to an hour of knowing something is getting done while I relax or do something else.

The Dishes

Oh the kitchen! It’s like the laundry, every time you are done…someone just had to get something to drink and there is another dirty dish. The most important thing you can do to help yourself is to ALWAYS clean your kitchen before bed. I don’t care how tired you are. I don’t care if it is three in the morning. NEVER go to bed with a dirty kitchen (and no a glass or spoon in the sink doesn’t count as a dirty kitchen). I know how very very very tempting it is to just say, “I will take care of it tomorrow it isn’t that bad.” Trust me don’t fall for it. Your morning self will thank you. For me one of the most pleasant things I can wake up to is a clean kitchen. If you have a dishwasher load it up and start it before bed. Or if you were lucky enough to start it earlier that evening, empty it before bed. I don’t like waking up and having to put dishes away, but some people don’t mind. Again, find what works for you. Whether you chose to wake up in the  morning and put the dishes away or have an empty dishwasher in the morning, make use of it. Don’t leave your dishes in the sink. Make a habit of putting your dishes in the dishwasher when you are done with them. Or if you plan on reusing the same cup or mug for instance rinse it out and set it to the side. The goal is to have a few dishes cluttering up everything as possible.

The rest of the house.

Living room, bedroom, hallway, doesn’t matter where! Before bed every night get that laundry basket back out and go through each room removing what doesn’t belong and as you get to the room it goes in put it away. This is a quick tidy up trick that keeps your house more or less “mother-in-law” ready as I’ve heard some people call it. If you do this every evening then not only will you wake up to a clean house it won’t take that long to do it either.

Make your bed

Making the bed makes the whole room look clean even when it is a mess! Do yourself a huge favor and make your bed every morning. If nothing else it will give you a nice bed to crawl into at the end of a busy day!

Schedules

Now that we have a clean house and we are keeping it generally tidy lets focus on the actual “clean” aspect. The bathrooms, the sinks, the pantry, the vacuuming etc. I LOVE planners and schedules and to do lists and so on and so forth. And although I love making a schedule I am not a strict must keep to the schedule kind of person. This means that if things don’t go as planned I don’t spiral into a mini mental breakdown. However, when it comes to cleaning the house having a stricter cleaning schedule helps me keep everything under control. Now this will be discussed in a lot more depth next week when we talk about routines and making and keeping them but for now making a generalized schedule of weekly cleaning duties is so helpful! Here is an example of a cleaning schedule

Daily	Weekly
Laundry	Vacuum/dust/sweep house
Kitchen	Clean the windows and window sill
Basket tidy up	Deep clean the sink
Wipe down surfaces	Run the dishwasher through a self-clean cycle
Sweep the kitchen	Self-clean the oven
	Go through the fridge and wipe down the inside
	Wash the sheets

That’s a general example but when we talk about routines we will get more in depth on daily verses weekly verse monthly and scheduling for the best results.

The most important part of keeping a house in order is to embrace it as a positive part of your life instead of looking at it as another chore that you have to do. No one particularly likes cleaning but when you have a positive attitude then your day and your cleaning will be better.

Never forget that no matter what we do, when we are doing it for the glory of God even the most mundane chore can be a wonderful blessing. Keep your focus on the King and when you feel like you are overwhelmed and can't handle it. Give it to God. You are not a failure just because your house isn't picture perfect clean 24/7 or even 5/2. Step back. Breath. Pray. Then put on a smile and continue. We can't glorify God when we are grumpy and complaining. Remember that all things we do we should do for God. Even cleaning our house. 

I hope week two of the “Finding Normal Series” was helpful for you. As a busy wife I find it difficult to remember that I need to make sure my home is a pleasant place not just for me but for those I share it with. Your home is your sanctuary and when your home is clean and clutter free you will find that you have a more positive day! Though many times I simply don’t want to do it mentally determining that I will do this for me and my family is a great motivator when you really just want to not care anymore. What are some ways that you find make clean up easier to handle? Do you have a routine or schedule you try to stick to? Leave a comment below or email me at maryannapartlow@gmail.com I love hearing from each of you! Don’t forget to like my facebook page and follow me on Instagram and twitter!

Copyright The Good Wife's Blog 2017.  Unauthorized use and/or duplication of any material on “The Good Wife's Blog”, without express and written permission from this site’s author and owner is strictly prohibited.  Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to the author with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Navigating the holidays

     The holidays! so much excitement, so much fun, so much anxiety, so much stress. Holidays are amazing, however, when it comes to holidays with in laws it can go from thrilling to terrifying in point five seconds. You've got the wife's parents, the husbands parents, and all the siblings of each family trying to coordinate so most of the family members in each respective family is present. It can be a delicate balancing act when you are newly wed to figure out how the holidays should work. You want to start your own holiday traditions but you still want to keep extended family involved as well. How on earth do you make it all work? Every family is different. Depending on how far away you live from family, how big the family is, and how much both sides like or dislike one another there are a few options for sorting out the holiday season. If you are fortunate enough to have both sides of the family actually enjoy spending time together then use it to your advantage. Alternate between parents houses with both sides being invited. Or have the holidays at your house and have each side come there instead. If your families don't exactly get along or live to far away to make that work the best idea is to alternate. One year with your family, one year with his. Simple!

     The real question though is when do you start letting yourself have the holidays at your house? When is the "right time" to stop going to the in laws or the parents and start your own holiday traditions? The thing is there really is no "right time." It all depends on your personal family dynamics. If you have a fairly flexible family the easiest solution is to set up alternation (yes I know I've used that word like 12 times already). You can do this with both sides. If you have several siblings and you all want the holidays at your house roll dice, draw straws, pick a number between 1and 10 and take turns each year hosting the holidays. Or take turns with the holidays. Easter at sibling 1, Thanksgiving at sibling 2, Christmas at parents, etc.

     Understand that it is okay to say no. You are allowed to tell your mother-in-law, your parents, your sister etc. that you won't be coming to "insert holiday here." Yes they may get grumpy about it but guess what they will get over it. Honestly most of them will probably understand. You're allowed to say you're not coming so you can have thanksgiving at your own house, or if you have kids with you children. You are not some evil person for wanting to start holiday traditions at your own home. I am a big family gatherings person so for me I want to have every member of the family I can find included. However, I also want to start traditions in my own home, especially once I have kids. This means that at some point in the future I will have to either ask the extended family to come to my house or tell them that we will come by for a visit but we won't be able to stay long. As a newly wed wife you want to show off your holiday flare and start kindling family traditions that your kids will carry on with them into their future. Spending time with family is always important but you are allowed to have your little family unit. We currently live with my in-laws (separate area connected by the garage). I personally enjoy it because it keeps the family close while giving us a little space to have as "ours." Yes of course it makes certain things difficult to navigate but overall I thoroughly enjoy it. I am not saying I don't look forward to having my own home someday when we are in the position to make it happen, but until then I actually really love living with them. Honestly when I think about moving I get really sad because they have become such an integrated part of our lives. Anyway I digress. Point is navigating the holidays can be daunting depending on if you have a hyper-controlling family/in-laws or if you just aren't sure how to maneuver around all the family members. It is really just important to remember to breath and ultimately enjoy the holidays. Even if it isn't working out quite how you imagined it would or should. Enjoy time with family and make the most out of it. Talk to your husband about what you both want to do for the holiday season and work together to make it happen. If all else falls, eat some pie, drink some eggnog, laugh a lot and breath because their is always next year!  

Keeping Up with Life

I had it down! I grew up basically running a house. My parents though loving were not particularly involved so raising the kids and running the house fell on me and my sister. My older sister got main charge of our little sister and cooking and I got charge of our little brother and cleaning. It worked pretty well. She was a fabulous cook and loved it and I was really good at cleaning. I figured when I got married the only thing I would really have to "work on" would be my cooking abilities cause I am so not a fabulous cook. Oh my gosh was I ever wrong. I still don't completely understand how I could go from the queen of clean to barely making it but it happened!

Long story short I went from a 4,000 sq. ft. home, no job other than housework and taking care of the kids, and lots of time on my hands to a 600sq. ft. home, full time job and student, and practically no time on my hands. So yeah big difference. Although I am far from having it all together, here are a few things that are helping me keep up with life.

Routine

As I mentioned before I love planning. I often plan but don't implement though. One without the other is pointless. So first things first set up a general broad plan of what you want to for the day or week depending on how advanced of a planner you are or want to be. You can narrow your schedule more but start with broad concepts. It will make it less overwhelming. Then set a general time frame to complete said items. Again when you are starting go broad before being more exact. Once you get used to doing things in the general time frame it will be less difficult to set a more structured routine later. It's like teaching kids to clean up. Start by teaching them to just put their toys away and then you can start teaching them to organize them later.

Section and Time

Don't try to do everything at once. Section of areas in your home to work on and then set aside a specific amount of time to do it. Take 15-30min dedicated time, then take a break and come back to it if you're not done. Once these areas are clean you'll only need 5 to 10min to keep them that way! (Need motivation tips scroll down to my "Hair up means deep clean!" post)

Breath

It's okay if you don't have the cleanest most perfect house. It's okay if you pick up fast food every now and again because you burned dinner or you just didn't have time to make a perfect meal. It's okay to breath. You don't have to have it all together. You don't have to be perfect. You are not a failure if you're not. Take a moment, breath, give it to God, keep trying. It gets better. It is alright to take a break and take time for yourself. You don't have to rush around and perfect everything. Breath.

Trust God

This kind of goes along with the other one but seriously. The world isn't going to end, the house won't burn down because the kids toys are out or the laundry isn't quite finished. Give it to God. Trust Him to help you and get you through it. Rely on Him to give you the strength, motivation and time. We work for Him and everything we do should be to His glory. We can glorify Him much better by not stressing over the little mishaps in life and just serving Him.

Blessings to all,

~V

Make a Plan

I am a planner. I love planners and notebooks and schedules. Although I am not a “strict stick to the schedule” kind of planner I love having one. It helps me focus and not forget the million and one things I have on my plate. I often fall far short of my planning goals so as of late instead of trying to plan EVERYTHING, I am working on small areas. When I want to get stuff done I want it all done to perfection and within a certain time period. Living with a chronic illness though tends to leave me short on energy and motivation. Because of this instead of trying to accomplish everything at once I have started sectioning off my plans. This has really helped me get more stuff done without having to use up ALL my energy in one sitting. Since we live in tight quarters it is very difficult to find room for everything. I have been working on trying to condense stuff and put away the things I don’t use as often. Because when we moved in I just shoved stuff places this is proving to be more difficult than I thought it would be. This is where my routines and planning are coming in. If you are having difficulty accomplishing what you want to get done set up a routine. Wake up an hour to thirty min. earlier than you need to. This will help you not feel rushed and like you have time to breath before starting your day. Start small then expand. Start with something simple in the morning like making the bed and tidying up your bedroom and bathroom. This is nice because at the end of the day you have a nice clean sanctuary to retreat to. clean you kitchen before bed. If you are lucky enough to have a dishwasher (we are sadly lacking) then this shouldn't take very long. Just load it up and start it before bed. In the morning empty it as part of you morning routine so that you can more easily keep the kitchen tidy with less effort on your part. The key to success is that once you get an area clean to not let stuff pile up there again. This is where you routine comes in because you can set up a specific time to go throughout your house and tidy up instead of clean up. This saves time and energy. It is so easy to feel overwhelmed with an entire house to clean and organize even if it isn't that big. However, if you take your house room by room and your rooms section by section instead of trying to do it all it will be more efficient and less scary. If you have difficulty staying motivated I've got a whole post dedicated to just that, "Hair up means deep clean!" so you can hop on over to see if any of those tips help. Remember not having a "June Cleaver house" doesn't mean you are a failure or lazy or not a good wife. The quality of life inside the home is what matters so don't let the clutter strip you of your joy. Make a plan, take a step back, breath, and know that even if you fail at your plan it isn't a failure because it means you are trying.

Trusting through the Storm

²⁸ Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” ²⁹ And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!”  ³¹ Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and *said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:28-31)

What's so interesting about this is that even when Peter let the fear of the storm overwhelm him, when he cried out to Jesus, Jesus still saved him. Often times when something is happening we see Jesus and completely trust Him. Unfortunately far to often once we get out on the water we look around us and see the storm coming. We get scared of what might happen and we stop if only for a moment believing that God will protect us. With my husband and I facing a great storm it is getting more and more difficult to not look at the storm and wonder what is going to happen. We trust God and His will but we are worried and anxious about the outcome. For some people if you waver even for a moment they suddenly consider you a faithless heathen who doesn't trust God. We are human, we are sinful, we are not perfect and because of this sometimes we do waver. That doesn't mean we don't trust God it just means that like Peter we have to call out to Him again and ask Him to help us. The biggest struggle we often face is that sometimes the outcome of our circumstances are not what we had planned. God answering prayer doesn't always mean He answered the way WE want Him to. In my current situation I have to brace myself for the fact that the answer may not be one I like, but I have to understand that as long as I am walking in the will of God and trying my best to follow Him he will turn every situation to His glory. Being a Christian doesn't mean an easy life. Our lives are to bring glory to God and sometimes that involves suffering to show others that God can work through all things.  ^28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28). If you are struggling and facing difficult roads and the storm is closing in on you. Remember that we need to keep our focus on God, we need to not let the fear of the storm overwhelm our faith in Him so that we don't sink. We also have to understand that just because we don't get the answer we want we have to accept the will of God and trust Him to see us through. Often times He will answer our prayers in ways we never realize until much later. So keep praying, keep trusting. I am keep my focus on God and praying that our situation will work itself out, however, I also know that in the end God's glory will reign supreme and His light will shine brighter than ever no matter the outcome.  

My grace is sufficient for you

Trusting God isn't always the easiest thing in the world. There is one thing I have learned however, God has never let me down. I never used to have a great deal of trouble trusting God. As a teenager I mean seriously life isn't all that difficult. I still stressed and worried and I do suffer from sever anxiety (which totally doesn't help) but it was pretty simple to calm myself down and see God's handy work in my life. As I got older though and life got crazy complex with husband, in-laws, my own family drama, death of loved ones and so on, I noticed myself trying more and more to stay in control of it all instead of letting God handle it. It isn't that I stopped trusting God I just found myself trying to be more and more in control of everything. It is difficult to know where to draw the line. Once you are an adult and paying bills, and working, and so on it is hard to not try to be in control. We as adults HAVE to be in control or we will forget to pay the bills, or overdraft out bank accounts because we aren't staying on top of our finances. It isn't that we aren't trusting God, it is just that...well we still have to be responsible. It is because of this understanding of responsibility that we run into a "I need to be in control" mentality. My husband and I are currently in a very difficult, life altering situation and it is a situation that I have ZERO as absolutely zero can be control over any of it. Though I don't understand why this obstacle was placed before us and I have no idea what is going to happen, I have to completely trust God to do His will because I can't change anything. This event has impacted so many aspects of our lives from just how we live, to finances, to jobs, to our future, to literally everything. It can be stressful when you are trying to hold a family together on an unexpected single income, with vast medical bills, and what seems like no other options. You feel like you're drowning and that urge to be in control peeks its little head out from behind the curtains. I was brought up to take life by the antlers and make it move. Although that is something that I appreciate being taught how to do, it is not always my place to "make life move." This puts me in a push and pull situation where I want to give it to God but I want to keep some of the reigns just in case. After a while I always hit my breaking point. The, "I can't do this anymore, I am completely overwhelmed and I don't understand why my life is falling apart" It is usually in those moments that I remember that God has never failed me. Even in situations that don't make sense. Or to some people it might seem like God hasn't answered my prayers, He always has. I often forget that I am allowed...I am supposed to leave it all in God's hands. That I don't have to have it all figured out, and I don't have to be in control of everything. As long as I am taking care of what I should be doing I don't need to stress and worry about finances, where we are going to live, or what we are going to eat or how we are going to pay the ever growing medical bills. Trusting God means knowing that He isn't going to let you down. He may not send the answers you want but you will always get what you need and as long as you are walking in His path everything will work for His glory. Stress and anxiety are a part of life, however, we can choose to give it to God and let him work His will in our lives. Always remember God works His greatest miracles through His weakest people at their worst moments, "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB

Creating a Sanctuary

Having a place in your home to relax and unwind is really a key factor in a calm household and a can be a major contributing factor in fostering a loving marriage. Some people may not be as bothered by messes and disorganization as others but regardless I think we can all agree that when everything is clean and you can see the floor there is just an unbelievable calm and satisfaction that rushes over you. You feel accomplished, you feel relaxed. Whether you have a big house or a small house even if it is nothing more than one little corner of a room with a chair that little corner makes you happy. Whether it is an entire room or just a part of a room find a space that you can call yours. A little area that you can step away from the world and the craziness of life and just be still. I love to read and I also love warm lighting (my husband is an led bright light kind of guy). Because of this my ideal relax and be still space would have a calming warm light, a comfy chair, a desk for my projects and a radio for music. I like spacious non-claustrophobic areas but I like that cozy comfy feel. To create this I would use the espresso brown hardwood floors and a warm neutral paint color. To keep it feeling spacious I would add sheer white curtains. Add some light colored frames for pictures a little flower vase, some floating expresso shelving and a cozy fluffy blanket and you have the perfect place to go relax and get away from it all. Not everyone has a separate bedroom that enables you to create your own personal space. If this is the case (like it is currently for us) take advantage of your master bedroom and section of one little corner for yourself. The master bedroom itself is already supposed to be a sanctuary space so if you want to use the whole room as your safe haven that is fine too. However, I still suggest that you have at least a tiny little corner to call your own in your master bedroom. I have a corner desk in our room that I am slowly creating as my "happy place." It's that area in the room that my husband's stuff doesn't go on and I have my warm lighting desk lamp. Since I am still in school and our room isn't big enough for a chair a desk seemed like a good place to have as my "this is my clean area that hypothetically doesn't have electronics on it." (My husband is a computer and car geek). Finding that quite place that you can relax at is really important because it gives you the ability to go there and just relax and take a minute to gather your thoughts. We as wives our minds work a mile a minute and it is difficult for us to slow down and recoup ourselves. I encourage you to create a little safe haven for yourself even if it is just a little corner of the room so that you can take time to rest your mind so you can better help those in your home.  

Not a Normal Guy

I am sure that most of you ladies have been taught since you were young that, "A guy is only after one thing." Then when you got older every guy and his grandpa proved that saying true. Then when you were looking into getting married a realization came that not all guys are only after one thing. However, even though he married you for so many other reasons that "thing" is something he still enjoys. I am sure your mother told you that, "Sometimes you are just gonna have to do it whether you want to or not...it's a way to show him you love him enough to do that even when you don't want to." This is more or less what I learned growing up. I was therefore prepared to "make the sacrifice" when I got married, anticipating his s*x drive would be vastly greater than mine. Well, let me tell you I couldn't have been more wrong. At first I thought it was me. Maybe I just wasn't attractive in that way to him. I mean he married me but clearly something is wrong. After a while I was like okay maybe it's him. Maybe he just isn't a "normal" guy and he just isn't as into it as other guys are. You see I'd grown up, and we've grown up in such a world where it is considered "not normal" when a guy or girl doesn't want to have s*x ever minute with ever human they meet. We've been taught that "guys only want one thing" so when we run into the rare gems that look at you for so much more than that we consider them "broken." For the first year and a half of our marriage it bothered me that he wasn't "normal." I didn't know how to handle that. No one ever told me that real men don't care about that 24/7. I lived a fairly sheltered life so it wasn't until I got married, got a job, and really started venturing into the world that I started to notice something. All the "normal" guys and the girls with these "normal" guys are miserable. divorced, remarried, three kids from this girl, two from that one. Visiting on weekends. Books and blogs on how to keep your man, how to tell if he is cheating, when you don't know if he still loves you. I hear about all these women whose love life sucks because they think that they can't find someone better or that, "well all guys are like that." Even the ones who are happily married still worry about their husbands eyes wandering because, "that's just what guys do." And we are supposed to be okay with that. We are supposed to be okay with having to keep our husbands, boyfriends, fiancé's attention off other women. If being married to me special of gem of a man has taught me anything is that there ARE men out there who you don't have to worry about wandering attentions. You see love and lust and desperation are three very different things. We all want to be loved and when we can't find someone we get desperate and are willing to accept lust over love. Don't get me wrong I understand that there are plenty of happily married loving relationships out there. I also understand that we as humans are flawed and are prone to making mistakes. I am not trying to say that if your guy struggles with lust he doesn't love you or that your man can't have made mistakes before meeting you. All I am trying to say is that we as women need to stop accepting "boys will be boys" as an okay for continuing in relationships that are harmful. A mentor of my husbands talked with him on this subject recently. He was curious if my husband had ever had relations with another woman besides me (no he hasn't). He then took the opportunity to point out how that special intimacy between a married couple is about the cross and Jesus' sacrifice. Seriously I didn't get it either till he explained it to me but we can get into that in another post. Point is when he was telling me about it I started to realize that I had been comparing my husband to what I know and have heard about other guys thinking that they were normal. It finally hit me then that my husband was actually the normal one and the others were flawed representations of what society has manufactured. I will be honest I have grown so accustom to the unconditional, unquestioning, love I receive from my husband I get honestly perplexed when my girlfriends or random people a meet tell me about their relationships. Not saying we are perfect. We fight, no couple doesn't or couldn't. Misunderstanding happen. There is one thing I know though, he doesn't know how to love someone else like he loves me. It is so far away from the farthest part of his mind that he looks at me confused when I mention something that every other "normal" guy in the room noticed. No matter your relationship statues currently, try to keep in mind that when someone really truly loves you, you don't have to keep or get their attention. Their attention never leaves you. You shouldn't have to worry about the woman walking by in practically nothing because you should know that he isn't noticing them because it shouldn't even cross his mind to look at someone else. If you have a husband, boyfriend, whatever like mine KEEP HIM they are rare gems that are like unforged diamonds. We need to stop allowing our guys to think it is "normal" to look at other women and we need to not teach our sons that it is okay to "be like the other guys." Allowance is acceptance of a behavior. Stop allowing disrespect. We shouldn't have to say, "well this one is better than that one so I'll marry him." Marriage is a sacred covenant. One that should not be broken. Don't look for a "normal" guy. Look for the one that stands out from the rest. Mine is the rarest gem and nothing holds a marriage together quite like not having to worry about what he is thinking or who he is looking at. I understand that this is a lot off the beaten track of what I usually post about. But I felt like even though this is a blog geared more towards wives there may be some unmarried women reading too. Also I really wanted to make a point to point out that "normal" guys aren't that great. I am terribly guilty of wandering why mine wasn't "normal" only to discover over time that I have been so wrong in thinking that "normal" was wanting all the things that most guys want. Never look down on a man that is different from the rest. He isn't a sissy, he isn't weird. He is respectful and willing to wait for the girl that sees him as the unforged diamond that he is.

Uniquely You

I like sports cars, I watch Korean dramas, I listen to one direction and I watch Disney movies. I love to read books, Beverly Lewis is a personal favorite. I am a high heels sparkle kind of girl who loves country rustic too. I love history and am fascinated by other cultures. Children and the elderly are my niche I want to help them and my heart aches when they are sad and lonely. My favorite color is sparkle and I like makeup and pretty hair but never have time to do mine. I love to write but never finish the books I start. I’ve always wanted to be an actress. I love video games. I want to live in the country with sprawling acreage, I want to live in a penthouse in the city, but I want to live on the lake too. I want to travel...everywhere! I love cruises, I want to learn how race professionally. I want to learn to play guitar and piano, I want to learn to draw. I want to learn at least two different languages. The law and forensics fascinate me. I want to change the way law enforcement works when I am a lawyer. These are some of the things that make me uniquely me. These are the things that I like and enjoy but often when faced with others I tend to hid about myself. There is no one out there who doesn't want to feel loved, accepted, appreciated, or included. Often that means when we are around others who like something different then us we rush to like what they do. We rationalize that we do really like those things because yeah they are cool. So rarely do we understand that it is okay to not like something as much as someone else. Or to mention that you don't like that but you like something else. I suffer with this problem a lot because of what I went through as a child. Always being left out, picked on, never "belonging" in a group of people I thought were my friends. When I got older and thought hey I won't have that problem anymore people have grown out of being childish...I find myself often in the same boat. I often find myself wanting to be included so badly that I forget to be what it is that makes me uniquely me. It is difficult when faced with a world that forces their opinions and their "right" to give their approval down your throat. Guess what though...they don't have that right. Although I won't say I don't still try to "fit in" I am finding that the more I focus on God and what He wants for my life the more I find I am not really caring what others think. Maybe you're the popular one in your group or maybe you're like me and can't find that "ride or die" group of friends. Whichever you are always remember to share with people what it is that makes you uniquely you. You don't have to justify your likes or dislikes to someone. As long as you are following God's will and plan for your life to the best you know how, He will put the people in your life that you need and that need you. Never forget to be uniquely you!

Meal Planning

Alright ladies! lets face it menu planning is a pain! Especially for those of us who may not be the most innovative in the kitchen. I have found a really awesome website that can either help you create a meal plan (complete with shopping list) or make on for you! I like using both options. The created for you menu is for seven meals with sides and one dessert. So far I have seen an average between $70-80 per menu for ingredients. (I picked the gluten free menu though and healthy is always more expensive). There is a way to condense spending using their menu though and I will touch on that in another post. For now though lets focus on "Build a Menu" ( http://www.buildamenu.com/ ) They have several different options for what works for your family. As well as a reasonable price! I happened to get mine during their super sale and I already LOVE it! Even without the sale though if you are like me and love organization but SUCK at meal planning then their normal price is still fair! I have only just recently started using it. I hear about it from Jami Balmet with "Home Making Ministries" (http://homemakingministries.com/ )   and "Young Wife's Guide" ( https://youngwifesguide.com/ ).  Just a side note, I am not getting paid or compensated for promoting anyone, I just happen to really like it. That being said, I have also just started using Home Making Ministries Academy. I signed up a few months ago and watched like one video so far but despite the fact that I haven't found time to sit myself down and do it more often or as much as I had anticipated I do not regret my purchase at all. Which for me is rare because I suffer buyers remorse BIG TIME. Anyway I have greatly digressed. I have always been a pen and paper kind of gal. I like tangibility and apps don't always cut it for me. Finding something that lets me print and create and have the tangibility without the excess time spent on writing and planning is HUGE. Especially in my very very busy life. I would definitely highly recommend taking a look at these great sights. BAM even has a trail version for you so you don't have to spend a ton of money without knowing what you're getting into. I will come back and post more on this as I myself delve deeper into it all but for now I wanted to throw it out there for those of you who really need help in the meal planning area of housewifing.