Excitement and Anxiety

Happy Tuesday everyone! In just 24 days SugarBear and I will be the proud owners of our first home. I am so excited. With all the excitement does come some drawback. First, how much I don't want to move because I am going to miss living with my in laws. Second, my anxiety. Yes I am sadly one of those people who suffers from severe anxiety and the occasional panic attack. I know what you are thinking, "Why would you have so much anxiety over something so awesome?" Trust me I asked myself that question already..many times. For me though, no matter how excited I may be about some things there is an underlying fear of "waiting for the other shoe to drop." When everything is going so very well and you are wondering what could possibly go wrong and then your brain explains to you in great detail every possible thing that could. I know some of you can relate. It can be hard when you just want to enjoy life but you have a little voice telling you all the terrible reasons you can't. Trusting God isn't always easy. But let me tell you it is worth it! The truth is worrying and having anxiety is not the problem. It is what we do with that worry and doubt that determines our faith. When you recognize worry and anxiety for what it is you can channel all that negative energy into a positive result. Prayer does wonders. It is in my most anxious moments that I find such great comfort in Jesus. Knowing I have a God who is completely in control of everything is the biggest way I calm my anxiety. If you are finding yourself in a constant state of "wait for it" then take a moment and pray. Call on God to calm your fears. Give Him control of your life. This means accepting the outcome whether you like it or not but knowing that no matter the outcome God has got this. This can be scary because when your faced with an either or and you don't like the or it isn't really "fun" to let God take care of it because we think to ourselves "what if His will is for the one I don't like to happen?" I know I've thought it before. However, that is when I pray even harder and tell the devil to stop clouding my judgment and making me question God. When we are following God we are going to run into trails and tribulations. God never promised an easy life for us. If anything Paul and the apostles stressed the opposite. The key is to understand that when we are seeking the Lord's will for our lives no matter what happens we can rest assured that God has got us. We can face even the things we don't want knowing that God will get us through it. The biggest fear I have is losing my loved ones. My husband, my in laws, grandparents, etc. Purposefully waking up each morning and entrusting them to the Lord is the greatest way to calm that fear. My personality is to "be in control" and if you are the same way then you know how crazy it makes you when you have absolutely zero control over anything. Learning to trust God with my inherent need to be in control has been a battle. But I want to encourage you to not give up on that battle. It is such a relief to know that i don't have to be in control. God is. To know I don't have to worry and stress about the outcomes. God will provide. To know that moving into a new house will bring it's issues but it will also brings its joys just like everything that we entrust to God. I am so excited about my new house. I am so very excited to start painting and fixing and designing and so on. I am also so blessed to know that as long as I am walking in faith God will see us through everything. 

Whether you are excited about something but worrying about the what if or if you are just struggling with anxiety. Take a moment. Breath. Pray. and trust the God will see you through.

"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?

Matthew 6:26

Don't forget February is right around the corner! I can't wait to start my series "Finding Normal" and I am so looking forward to you joining me on this journey. Make sure you subscribe and follow me to get updates sent straight to your inbox. Like my facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/thegoodwifesblog/ ) as well to see new things on your news feed. You can also follow me on twitter ( https://twitter.com/goodwifesblog) and instagram (https://www.instagram.com/annapartlow20/?hl=en). 
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My grace is sufficient for you

Trusting God isn't always the easiest thing in the world. There is one thing I have learned however, God has never let me down. I never used to have a great deal of trouble trusting God. As a teenager I mean seriously life isn't all that difficult. I still stressed and worried and I do suffer from sever anxiety (which totally doesn't help) but it was pretty simple to calm myself down and see God's handy work in my life. As I got older though and life got crazy complex with husband, in-laws, my own family drama, death of loved ones and so on, I noticed myself trying more and more to stay in control of it all instead of letting God handle it. It isn't that I stopped trusting God I just found myself trying to be more and more in control of everything. It is difficult to know where to draw the line. Once you are an adult and paying bills, and working, and so on it is hard to not try to be in control. We as adults HAVE to be in control or we will forget to pay the bills, or overdraft out bank accounts because we aren't staying on top of our finances. It isn't that we aren't trusting God, it is just that...well we still have to be responsible. It is because of this understanding of responsibility that we run into a "I need to be in control" mentality. My husband and I are currently in a very difficult, life altering situation and it is a situation that I have ZERO as absolutely zero can be control over any of it. Though I don't understand why this obstacle was placed before us and I have no idea what is going to happen, I have to completely trust God to do His will because I can't change anything. This event has impacted so many aspects of our lives from just how we live, to finances, to jobs, to our future, to literally everything. It can be stressful when you are trying to hold a family together on an unexpected single income, with vast medical bills, and what seems like no other options. You feel like you're drowning and that urge to be in control peeks its little head out from behind the curtains. I was brought up to take life by the antlers and make it move. Although that is something that I appreciate being taught how to do, it is not always my place to "make life move." This puts me in a push and pull situation where I want to give it to God but I want to keep some of the reigns just in case. After a while I always hit my breaking point. The, "I can't do this anymore, I am completely overwhelmed and I don't understand why my life is falling apart" It is usually in those moments that I remember that God has never failed me. Even in situations that don't make sense. Or to some people it might seem like God hasn't answered my prayers, He always has. I often forget that I am allowed...I am supposed to leave it all in God's hands. That I don't have to have it all figured out, and I don't have to be in control of everything. As long as I am taking care of what I should be doing I don't need to stress and worry about finances, where we are going to live, or what we are going to eat or how we are going to pay the ever growing medical bills. Trusting God means knowing that He isn't going to let you down. He may not send the answers you want but you will always get what you need and as long as you are walking in His path everything will work for His glory. Stress and anxiety are a part of life, however, we can choose to give it to God and let him work His will in our lives. Always remember God works His greatest miracles through His weakest people at their worst moments, "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB

Undying Trust

Nothing will ever cause me to lose trust in my husband. I know what you’re thinking…we haven’t been married long enough, the honeymoon period is still in effect so just you wait. Honestly, we are far removed from the honeymoon period. We have dealt with in-laws (both of our sides), death of loved ones, loss of family, loss of everything we know and trusted. Our lives have changed so drastically over such a short period of time it has been unreal. So I am of full confidence when I say the honeymoon period is over. How do I know this? Because that “stary eyed girl” isn’t there anymore. The he is so perfect and wonderful and would never do anything wrong…yeah that aint there either. I know it is over because the love struck teenager was replaced by a different kind of love. He will always make my heart flutter and I will always be the 19 year old girl that fell in love at first sight. However, that isn’t what I hold onto. I now have a deeper rooted love, deeper respect, and deeper determination to stay with him. The time we’ve had together has tested and tried our love and trust to the core. When most women might have left I made the decision to stay. When everyone else lost faith and trust in him, I believed him against all odds. Not because I was a love struck girl but because I knew that I had a choice. If I didn’t believe him and trust him, even against all odds, then I never would be able to and I would lose it forever. Coupled with the forgiveness and trust that I offered to him I also offered him a choice. I choice to prove to me and everyone else that doubted him that I made the right decision. I won’t lie I had a lot going against me. When everyone is telling you that he is a liar, that he is a terrible person, that he can’t be trusted, and even offer the choice for you to leave (something I’d never even considered till confronted with it). When you have all that coming at you and he isn’t there to offer a defense it is a VERY difficult decision to trust. So here is the thing, although sometimes trust is broken it is very important to always give our spouses the benefit of the doubt. Until you’ve had a chance to get out of the turmoil of whatever might be going on and step away from the situation, it is always better to trust your spouse then to listen to others. I would have had a pretty wrecked marriage if I had let the voices of others cloud my trust for him. I wanted to believe him even though I wasn’t sure if I could. Loving someone is like court. Innocent until proven guilty. Because if you assume guilt first you are accepting that you in the depths of your heart do not fully trust him. Don’t get me wrong sometimes losing trust is VALID! Sometimes not trusting them is okay. I am not saying to blindly trust no matter what. All I am saying is that before you do something as drastic as losing trust in him give him the chance to prove you are making the right decision to trust him. If you lose trust because others are telling you to, when he finally proves that he was trustworthy you have just lost his trust. Whether people agree that the loss of trust would have been valid under the circumstances and though he may not disagree directly, when you stop trusting for any other reason than honest belief that he isn’t trustworthy you have crossed into a new territory where he will never be able to count on you to be there for him. As a married couple you are one unit and if you can’t trust him then you have just given up half of yourself. From that point on you will no longer be solely invested in what is best for your marriage as one but what is best for you as an individual “if” he goes off to untrustworthy land. Where there is no trust there is no relationship. Trust and love mean I want what is best for you regardless of all else and I will never do anything to jeopardize our future. Trust is acting as one…marriage is becoming one. Marriage without trust is nothing more than a struggle.