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Monday, October 31, 2016

Make a Plan

I am a planner. I love planners and notebooks and schedules. Although I am not a “strict stick to the schedule” kind of planner I love having one. It helps me focus and not forget the million and one things I have on my plate. I often fall far short of my planning goals so as of late instead of trying to plan EVERYTHING, I am working on small areas. When I want to get stuff done I want it all done to perfection and within a certain time period. Living with a chronic illness though tends to leave me short on energy and motivation. Because of this instead of trying to accomplish everything at once I have started sectioning off my plans. This has really helped me get more stuff done without having to use up ALL my energy in one sitting. Since we live in tight quarters it is very difficult to find room for everything. I have been working on trying to condense stuff and put away the things I don’t use as often. Because when we moved in I just shoved stuff places this is proving to be more difficult than I thought it would be. This is where my routines and planning are coming in. If you are having difficulty accomplishing what you want to get done set up a routine. Wake up an hour to thirty min. earlier than you need to. This will help you not feel rushed and like you have time to breath before starting your day. Start small then expand. Start with something simple in the morning like making the bed and tidying up your bedroom and bathroom. This is nice because at the end of the day you have a nice clean sanctuary to retreat to. clean you kitchen before bed. If you are lucky enough to have a dishwasher (we are sadly lacking) then this shouldn't take very long. Just load it up and start it before bed. In the morning empty it as part of you morning routine so that you can more easily keep the kitchen tidy with less effort on your part. The key to success is that once you get an area clean to not let stuff pile up there again. This is where you routine comes in because you can set up a specific time to go throughout your house and tidy up instead of clean up. This saves time and energy. It is so easy to feel overwhelmed with an entire house to clean and organize even if it isn't that big. However, if you take your house room by room and your rooms section by section instead of trying to do it all it will be more efficient and less scary. If you have difficulty staying motivated I've got a whole post dedicated to just that, "Hair up means deep clean!" so you can hop on over to see if any of those tips help. Remember not having a "June Cleaver house" doesn't mean you are a failure or lazy or not a good wife. The quality of life inside the home is what matters so don't let the clutter strip you of your joy. Make a plan, take a step back, breath, and know that even if you fail at your plan it isn't a failure because it means you are trying.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Out for Surgery

Sorry y'all! I have been recovering from surgery for the past two weeks so I have been unable to post anything. I am hoping to be back up and running before to long though so hang with me if you can :)

Monday, October 17, 2016

Trusting through the Storm


28 Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” 29 And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!”  31 Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and *said to him, You of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:28-31)
What's so interesting about this is that even when Peter let the fear of the storm overwhelm him, when he cried out to Jesus, Jesus still saved him. Often times when something is happening we see Jesus and completely trust Him. Unfortunately far to often once we get out on the water we look around us and see the storm coming. We get scared of what might happen and we stop if only for a moment believing that God will protect us. With my husband and I facing a great storm it is getting more and more difficult to not look at the storm and wonder what is going to happen. We trust God and His will but we are worried and anxious about the outcome. For some people if you waver even for a moment they suddenly consider you a faithless heathen who doesn't trust God. We are human, we are sinful, we are not perfect and because of this sometimes we do waver. That doesn't mean we don't trust God it just means that like Peter we have to call out to Him again and ask Him to help us. The biggest struggle we often face is that sometimes the outcome of our circumstances are not what we had planned. God answering prayer doesn't always mean He answered the way WE want Him to. In my current situation I have to brace myself for the fact that the answer may not be one I like, but I have to understand that as long as I am walking in the will of God and trying my best to follow Him he will turn every situation to His glory. Being a Christian doesn't mean an easy life. Our lives are to bring glory to God and sometimes that involves suffering to show others that God can work through all things.  28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28). If you are struggling and facing difficult roads and the storm is closing in on you. Remember that we need to keep our focus on God, we need to not let the fear of the storm overwhelm our faith in Him so that we don't sink. We also have to understand that just because we don't get the answer we want we have to accept the will of God and trust Him to see us through. Often times He will answer our prayers in ways we never realize until much later. So keep praying, keep trusting. I am keep my focus on God and praying that our situation will work itself out, however, I also know that in the end God's glory will reign supreme and His light will shine brighter than ever no matter the outcome.  

Friday, October 14, 2016

My grace is sufficient for you

Trusting God isn't always the easiest thing in the world. There is one thing I have learned however, God has never let me down. I never used to have a great deal of trouble trusting God. As a teenager I mean seriously life isn't all that difficult. I still stressed and worried and I do suffer from sever anxiety (which totally doesn't help) but it was pretty simple to calm myself down and see God's handy work in my life. As I got older though and life got crazy complex with husband, in-laws, my own family drama, death of loved ones and so on, I noticed myself trying more and more to stay in control of it all instead of letting God handle it. It isn't that I stopped trusting God I just found myself trying to be more and more in control of everything. It is difficult to know where to draw the line. Once you are an adult and paying bills, and working, and so on it is hard to not try to be in control. We as adults HAVE to be in control or we will forget to pay the bills, or overdraft out bank accounts because we aren't staying on top of our finances. It isn't that we aren't trusting God, it is just that...well we still have to be responsible. It is because of this understanding of responsibility that we run into a "I need to be in control" mentality. My husband and I are currently in a very difficult, life altering situation and it is a situation that I have ZERO as absolutely zero can be control over any of it. Though I don't understand why this obstacle was placed before us and I have no idea what is going to happen, I have to completely trust God to do His will because I can't change anything. This event has impacted so many aspects of our lives from just how we live, to finances, to jobs, to our future, to literally everything. It can be stressful when you are trying to hold a family together on an unexpected single income, with vast medical bills, and what seems like no other options. You feel like you're drowning and that urge to be in control peeks its little head out from behind the curtains. I was brought up to take life by the antlers and make it move. Although that is something that I appreciate being taught how to do, it is not always my place to "make life move." This puts me in a push and pull situation where I want to give it to God but I want to keep some of the reigns just in case. After a while I always hit my breaking point. The, "I can't do this anymore, I am completely overwhelmed and I don't understand why my life is falling apart" It is usually in those moments that I remember that God has never failed me. Even in situations that don't make sense. Or to some people it might seem like God hasn't answered my prayers, He always has. I often forget that I am allowed...I am supposed to leave it all in God's hands. That I don't have to have it all figured out, and I don't have to be in control of everything. As long as I am taking care of what I should be doing I don't need to stress and worry about finances, where we are going to live, or what we are going to eat or how we are going to pay the ever growing medical bills. Trusting God means knowing that He isn't going to let you down. He may not send the answers you want but you will always get what you need and as long as you are walking in His path everything will work for His glory. Stress and anxiety are a part of life, however, we can choose to give it to God and let him work His will in our lives. Always remember God works His greatest miracles through His weakest people at their worst moments, "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Creating a Sanctuary

Having a place in your home to relax and unwind is really a key factor in a calm household and a can be a major contributing factor in fostering a loving marriage. Some people may not be as bothered by messes and disorganization as others but regardless I think we can all agree that when everything is clean and you can see the floor there is just an unbelievable calm and satisfaction that rushes over you. You feel accomplished, you feel relaxed. Whether you have a big house or a small house even if it is nothing more than one little corner of a room with a chair that little corner makes you happy. Whether it is an entire room or just a part of a room find a space that you can call yours. A little area that you can step away from the world and the craziness of life and just be still. I love to read and I also love warm lighting (my husband is an led bright light kind of guy). Because of this my ideal relax and be still space would have a calming warm light, a comfy chair, a desk for my projects and a radio for music. I like spacious non-claustrophobic areas but I like that cozy comfy feel. To create this I would use the espresso brown hardwood floors and a warm neutral paint color. To keep it feeling spacious I would add sheer white curtains. Add some light colored frames for pictures a little flower vase, some floating expresso shelving and a cozy fluffy blanket and you have the perfect place to go relax and get away from it all. Not everyone has a separate bedroom that enables you to create your own personal space. If this is the case (like it is currently for us) take advantage of your master bedroom and section of one little corner for yourself. The master bedroom itself is already supposed to be a sanctuary space so if you want to use the whole room as your safe haven that is fine too. However, I still suggest that you have at least a tiny little corner to call your own in your master bedroom. I have a corner desk in our room that I am slowly creating as my "happy place." It's that area in the room that my husband's stuff doesn't go on and I have my warm lighting desk lamp. Since I am still in school and our room isn't big enough for a chair a desk seemed like a good place to have as my "this is my clean area that hypothetically doesn't have electronics on it." (My husband is a computer and car geek). Finding that quite place that you can relax at is really important because it gives you the ability to go there and just relax and take a minute to gather your thoughts. We as wives our minds work a mile a minute and it is difficult for us to slow down and recoup ourselves. I encourage you to create a little safe haven for yourself even if it is just a little corner of the room so that you can take time to rest your mind so you can better help those in your home.  

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Not a Normal Guy

I am sure that most of you ladies have been taught since you were young that, "A guy is only after one thing." Then when you got older every guy and his grandpa proved that saying true. Then when you were looking into getting married a realization came that not all guys are only after one thing. However, even though he married you for so many other reasons that "thing" is something he still enjoys. I am sure your mother told you that, "Sometimes you are just gonna have to do it whether you want to or not...it's a way to show him you love him enough to do that even when you don't want to." This is more or less what I learned growing up. I was therefore prepared to "make the sacrifice" when I got married, anticipating his s*x drive would be vastly greater than mine. Well, let me tell you I couldn't have been more wrong. At first I thought it was me. Maybe I just wasn't attractive in that way to him. I mean he married me but clearly something is wrong. After a while I was like okay maybe it's him. Maybe he just isn't a "normal" guy and he just isn't as into it as other guys are. You see I'd grown up, and we've grown up in such a world where it is considered "not normal" when a guy or girl doesn't want to have s*x ever minute with ever human they meet. We've been taught that "guys only want one thing" so when we run into the rare gems that look at you for so much more than that we consider them "broken." For the first year and a half of our marriage it bothered me that he wasn't "normal." I didn't know how to handle that. No one ever told me that real men don't care about that 24/7. I lived a fairly sheltered life so it wasn't until I got married, got a job, and really started venturing into the world that I started to notice something. All the "normal" guys and the girls with these "normal" guys are miserable. divorced, remarried, three kids from this girl, two from that one. Visiting on weekends. Books and blogs on how to keep your man, how to tell if he is cheating, when you don't know if he still loves you. I hear about all these women whose love life sucks because they think that they can't find someone better or that, "well all guys are like that." Even the ones who are happily married still worry about their husbands eyes wandering because, "that's just what guys do." And we are supposed to be okay with that. We are supposed to be okay with having to keep our husbands, boyfriends, fiancé's attention off other women. If being married to me special of gem of a man has taught me anything is that there ARE men out there who you don't have to worry about wandering attentions. You see love and lust and desperation are three very different things. We all want to be loved and when we can't find someone we get desperate and are willing to accept lust over love. Don't get me wrong I understand that there are plenty of happily married loving relationships out there. I also understand that we as humans are flawed and are prone to making mistakes. I am not trying to say that if your guy struggles with lust he doesn't love you or that your man can't have made mistakes before meeting you. All I am trying to say is that we as women need to stop accepting "boys will be boys" as an okay for continuing in relationships that are harmful. A mentor of my husbands talked with him on this subject recently. He was curious if my husband had ever had relations with another woman besides me (no he hasn't). He then took the opportunity to point out how that special intimacy between a married couple is about the cross and Jesus' sacrifice. Seriously I didn't get it either till he explained it to me but we can get into that in another post. Point is when he was telling me about it I started to realize that I had been comparing my husband to what I know and have heard about other guys thinking that they were normal. It finally hit me then that my husband was actually the normal one and the others were flawed representations of what society has manufactured. I will be honest I have grown so accustom to the unconditional, unquestioning, love I receive from my husband I get honestly perplexed when my girlfriends or random people a meet tell me about their relationships. Not saying we are perfect. We fight, no couple doesn't or couldn't. Misunderstanding happen. There is one thing I know though, he doesn't know how to love someone else like he loves me. It is so far away from the farthest part of his mind that he looks at me confused when I mention something that every other "normal" guy in the room noticed. No matter your relationship statues currently, try to keep in mind that when someone really truly loves you, you don't have to keep or get their attention. Their attention never leaves you. You shouldn't have to worry about the woman walking by in practically nothing because you should know that he isn't noticing them because it shouldn't even cross his mind to look at someone else. If you have a husband, boyfriend, whatever like mine KEEP HIM they are rare gems that are like unforged diamonds. We need to stop allowing our guys to think it is "normal" to look at other women and we need to not teach our sons that it is okay to "be like the other guys." Allowance is acceptance of a behavior. Stop allowing disrespect. We shouldn't have to say, "well this one is better than that one so I'll marry him." Marriage is a sacred covenant. One that should not be broken. Don't look for a "normal" guy. Look for the one that stands out from the rest. Mine is the rarest gem and nothing holds a marriage together quite like not having to worry about what he is thinking or who he is looking at. I understand that this is a lot off the beaten track of what I usually post about. But I felt like even though this is a blog geared more towards wives there may be some unmarried women reading too. Also I really wanted to make a point to point out that "normal" guys aren't that great. I am terribly guilty of wandering why mine wasn't "normal" only to discover over time that I have been so wrong in thinking that "normal" was wanting all the things that most guys want. Never look down on a man that is different from the rest. He isn't a sissy, he isn't weird. He is respectful and willing to wait for the girl that sees him as the unforged diamond that he is.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Uniquely You

I like sports cars, I watch Korean dramas, I listen to one direction and I watch Disney movies. I love to read books, Beverly Lewis is a personal favorite. I am a high heels sparkle kind of girl who loves country rustic too. I love history and am fascinated by other cultures. Children and the elderly are my niche I want to help them and my heart aches when they are sad and lonely. My favorite color is sparkle and I like makeup and pretty hair but never have time to do mine. I love to write but never finish the books I start. I’ve always wanted to be an actress. I love video games. I want to live in the country with sprawling acreage, I want to live in a penthouse in the city, but I want to live on the lake too. I want to travel...everywhere! I love cruises, I want to learn how race professionally. I want to learn to play guitar and piano, I want to learn to draw. I want to learn at least two different languages. The law and forensics fascinate me. I want to change the way law enforcement works when I am a lawyer. These are some of the things that make me uniquely me. These are the things that I like and enjoy but often when faced with others I tend to hid about myself. There is no one out there who doesn't want to feel loved, accepted, appreciated, or included. Often that means when we are around others who like something different then us we rush to like what they do. We rationalize that we do really like those things because yeah they are cool. So rarely do we understand that it is okay to not like something as much as someone else. Or to mention that you don't like that but you like something else. I suffer with this problem a lot because of what I went through as a child. Always being left out, picked on, never "belonging" in a group of people I thought were my friends. When I got older and thought hey I won't have that problem anymore people have grown out of being childish...I find myself often in the same boat. I often find myself wanting to be included so badly that I forget to be what it is that makes me uniquely me. It is difficult when faced with a world that forces their opinions and their "right" to give their approval down your throat. Guess what though...they don't have that right. Although I won't say I don't still try to "fit in" I am finding that the more I focus on God and what He wants for my life the more I find I am not really caring what others think. Maybe you're the popular one in your group or maybe you're like me and can't find that "ride or die" group of friends. Whichever you are always remember to share with people what it is that makes you uniquely you. You don't have to justify your likes or dislikes to someone. As long as you are following God's will and plan for your life to the best you know how, He will put the people in your life that you need and that need you. Never forget to be uniquely you!

Monday, October 10, 2016

Meal Planning

Alright ladies! lets face it menu planning is a pain! Especially for those of us who may not be the most innovative in the kitchen. I have found a really awesome website that can either help you create a meal plan (complete with shopping list) or make on for you! I like using both options. The created for you menu is for seven meals with sides and one dessert. So far I have seen an average between $70-80 per menu for ingredients. (I picked the gluten free menu though and healthy is always more expensive). There is a way to condense spending using their menu though and I will touch on that in another post. For now though lets focus on "Build a Menu" ( http://www.buildamenu.com/ ) They have several different options for what works for your family. As well as a reasonable price! I happened to get mine during their super sale and I already LOVE it! Even without the sale though if you are like me and love organization but SUCK at meal planning then their normal price is still fair! I have only just recently started using it. I hear about it from Jami Balmet with "Home Making Ministries" (http://homemakingministries.com/ )   and "Young Wife's Guide" ( https://youngwifesguide.com/ ).  Just a side note, I am not getting paid or compensated for promoting anyone, I just happen to really like it. That being said, I have also just started using Home Making Ministries Academy. I signed up a few months ago and watched like one video so far but despite the fact that I haven't found time to sit myself down and do it more often or as much as I had anticipated I do not regret my purchase at all. Which for me is rare because I suffer buyers remorse BIG TIME. Anyway I have greatly digressed. I have always been a pen and paper kind of gal. I like tangibility and apps don't always cut it for me. Finding something that lets me print and create and have the tangibility without the excess time spent on writing and planning is HUGE. Especially in my very very busy life. I would definitely highly recommend taking a look at these great sights. BAM even has a trail version for you so you don't have to spend a ton of money without knowing what you're getting into. I will come back and post more on this as I myself delve deeper into it all but for now I wanted to throw it out there for those of you who really need help in the meal planning area of housewifing. 

Thursday, October 6, 2016

You're Allowed "YOU" time


Do you ever feel like you just need a break. I little time and space to yourself. When you take that time and space for yourself though...do you start to feel guilty? Not all of you may have this issue but I and I am sure some others out there do. Whenever I just want to sit and watch TV or read a book or just lay in bed and not do anything for a little while...I feel guilty. Or worse I force myself to do it and then all my mind does the whole time I am "relaxing" is just think about everything else I have to do. I always have so much to do that if I am not doing something I feel like I should be. I hate having a messy house, it can be practically impossible sometimes to find real time to sit down and do my homework, cooking dinner...well lets just say fast food is more a part of our lives then I would like to admit. I can somehow get really motivated when I am at work. You know the, "when I get home I am going to get so much done." Some how it never seems to work. That's when I run into the problem of feeling guilty for not being productive and yet feeling like I can justify it because hey I worked all day. If this sounds anything like you then let me tell you something...you are not alone and there is hope. It is PERFECTLY fine to have "me time" and it is perfectly okay to just want to do nothing. As wives though we still need to balance out our me time with work time and house work time and husband time and if you have kids well may the Lord Bless you. It is a struggle for working wives to have it all together and not feel like they are falling apart. "You" time is so important because without it you can't handle everything else. So don't feel bad when you want to spend a few minutes gathering your thoughts and wanting to relax a little. Go take that bubble bath or sit down and watch the TV for a little while. Trust me the mess will still be there after you've taken time to do something relaxing for you.  

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

When We can't Fix It

What do you do when you can’t do anything? My husband and I are facing a VERY difficult point in our lives right now. Unfortunately, I can’t help him. It is something he has to deal with and work out and although I can be there for him, encourage him, and love him through it all. I can’t fix it. If you are anything like me “fixing” is your middle name. You see a problem you want to fix especially when it is a loved one. Especially when it is your husband. My heart breaks every time I see him struggling to cope, struggling to find answers and purpose in everything, struggling to not feel like a failure as a husband and a man. And although I repeatedly tell him he is not a failure, he is wonderful and smart and my dream come true, he just can’t see it. When you really love someone you already have a tendency to always feel like you could never be enough for them. Add with the rest of the world telling him that he is a failure and he screwed up his whole life because he made a mistake. Add parents that look at him differently because of it, add people that think they are better than him and put him down. Add him being temporally unable to be the primary provider and that falling on his wife and you have a very depressed man who is doing everything he can to be happy but can’t get out of this endless pit of feeling like a failure. It breaks my heart that I can’t relieve this burden from him. So what do we as wives do when we can’t fix it. When we look at our husbands and see the pain and struggle but can’t do anything about it? Every couple is different so not all of these may work and no none of these are some magic spell that we can use as wives to “fix” whatever the situations if overnight, but at the very least it might help him a little.
 
1: Pray- Pray for your husband every single day. Pray for healing, knowledge, help, and forgiveness. For tranquility and patience, and if you don’t know what he needs pray that God would look into his heart and help him in whatever way he needs.
 
2: Do his favorite thing- My husband loves all things cars (corvettes to be specific) and gadgets and gears. The easiest way for me to spend time with him is to go outside and sit in the shade while he works on the cars or boat or whatever project he is working on at the time. Unfortunately for me I have minor medical condition that doesn't allow me to be in the heat for long periods of time so I don't often get to do this. However, I have worked around it by being out there for brief periods of time going inside to cool down and then either coming back outside or making him a really yummy snack.


3. Couple's Bible Study- Pick a book in the Bible and go through it together. Do a whole chapter or even just a few verses a day. Just getting in the Word with him and talking about it is always a good way to connect and to help him stay positive about circumstances.


4. TV/Book time- Okay some of you may hate me for saying this because a lot of people are trying to vear away from electronics and tv when spending time with each other and that is a perfectly fine thing to do. However, my family has always been big movie watchers. It always brought the family together when we all gather in the living room and watched old tv shows and movies. I happened to marry someone whose primary love language is quality time and this falls perfectly in line with snuggling up with a snack and watching our favorite shows together. If you aren't big tv watchers though you can trade out this idea for book time. I love reading and I love reading a book with my husband we both get so excited about what will happen next and it takes us into a different world away from all the stress of daily life.


5. Go on an adventure- we are BIG road trippers. We love late night drives, and sitting out by the lake soaking in all the beauty God created. Whenever I can tell that my husband is really struggling I often suggest we go somewhere. Whether it is a weekend trip or a few hour drive somewhere and back it gets him in a new environment and for him driving is his therapy so it just works.


6. Let him be- this one is the hardest for me because I WANT him right up next to me when I am upset. For him though...he needs space sometimes. He needs time to think and process. I have learned that letting him be doesn't necessarily mean completely leaving him alone. A lot of times it means sitting on the couch (non cuddly version) next to him. letting him do his thing, or just doing my own thing while waiting for him to be ready for attention. Leaving them alone is hard for us wives because how can we "make it better" if we aren't psychoanalyzing him every to seconds. Trust me if you can learn his queue of when he needs to just be left alone, you will prevent a lot of silly little fights over nothing. If we need our "me time" so do they.

Monday, October 3, 2016

Making it Feel like Fall

Oh my gosh y'all it is FALL! I can't believe it the Texas weather finally caught up with the seasons. Granted this is Texas so fall may not last more than a few days but it is exciting none the less. With fall finally here I am so excited to start decorating and filling my home with the smell of pumpkin spice and everything nice. If you are like me and working with very limited space (two mirrored bed/bathrooms connected by a hallway {one bedroom/bath combo is the living room/kitchen}) anyway, if you are working with limited space then it can be difficult to go all out and decorate. So here are a few little things you can do that will give your home that fall feeling without to much work or clutter.

Candle Warmers
Step one get yourself those little warmers. The ones you put the wax cubes in and they melt and make your house smell like happiness. Get two if you can afford them. Step two get some fall smelling wax cubes, melt 'em and wait for your home to smell like a pumpkin leaf exploded ^_^ (I REALLY love fall).

A wreath
Get yourself a simple pretty fall colored wreath and hang it on your door. It's like fall welcoming you home every time you enter.

Throw blanket
Get a fall colored throw blanket. Neutral browns and subtle oranges. Drape it over a chair or across the couch. All fall and snuggly.

Pumpkins
get some tiny little decorative pumpkins and a little touch of fall greenery from a craft store. Place them around the house wherever you feel needs a little fall sprucing. 

If you are lucky enough to have one of those fireplace you can turn the heat on or off of then light it up (still to hot down here for the heat) and enjoy!

Happy Fall!! ^_^